We all love Leslie Knope for her eternal optimism and the way she spreads sunshine through bureaucracy. But maybe the most lovable thing about Leslie is how much she f*cking hates Mondays. Join us and Les as we shit talk our way through the worst day of the week.
LA is like Crossfit. We’ve all thought about trying it, some of us actually have, and most of those quit in disgust within 6 months because all their money is gone and they feel like shit. But while you’re there, you’re most definitely 100% going to meet the weirdos in this sketch from Rinny Riot. Kombucha girl is real real, y’all.
Whether you’re snowed under or sweating out the drought, we know you need some tasty tweets to make it through the weekend. In fact, you deserve great tweets every week. Why? Because you’re great.
One cool thing about being a woman is that before I do anything I have to stop and think “will this make me seem crazy?”
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) December 5, 2016
Also v chill that the answer is usually ‘yes’!
me at the beginning of 2016 vs me at the end of 2016 pic.twitter.com/VxT4WdrfWZ
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) December 9, 2016
Except that now we’re all witches so at least there’s that.
I bet Martin Shkreli is wondering what more he has to do to get appointed to Trump’s cabinet
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) December 8, 2016
“Idk like be more evil somehow??” – Shkreli to his empty house
“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 4, 2016
If I were in West World I would probably just admire the costumes and ask where the good restaurants are.
— Sudi Green (@FatJasmineee) December 6, 2016
God damn so true. And also comment on how on-topic the piano songs are.
It was just announced several of the teen dad’s from ‘Teen Mom’ are gonna star in their own spinoff show titled ‘Wear A Condom’.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 9, 2016
Finally, a show for the fellas!
APPARENTLY I LACK SUBTLETY
— Honky Tonk Angel (@fuzzlime) December 5, 2016
Nah girl you’re good.
Guys, please be careful. Trump might see some of your tweets and it could hurt his feelings.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) December 9, 2016
Yeah, tweets like ‘you’re garbage’ and ‘no one respects you’ and that one tweet of his face looking extra stupid. Be a shame if everyone reading this right now tweeted those things.
Pilates with the girls ?? pic.twitter.com/hKByeoT9KW
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) December 8, 2016
one thing i absolutely refuse to do is follow through on a personal project
— Zoë Klar (@zoeklar) December 6, 2016
It’s a matter of principle!
I know magazines are going extinct, but I didn’t know they were committing suicide. pic.twitter.com/tV7I6HVJ4B
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 7, 2016
*Time is the boy.
My face is doing nothing today. I look like the canceled PBS series, This Old Bitch.
— Y’assssssss Al Ghul (@beauty_jackson) December 8, 2016
We’d watch the hell out of that with a glass of rosé.
“Who’s got a one hole punch? I wanna file this cake in my binder” – inventor of the donut.
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) December 9, 2016
WHO WAS THIS GENIUS WHAT WAS HER NAME???
hope men in Ohio become required to have funerals for their cum
— Barbara Gray (@BabsGray) December 8, 2016
10/10 for this perfect tweet.
I feel like we’re living that part of the movie where the superhero is knocked down and the villains have taken over the metropolis.
— Cynthia Kao (@CynthKao) December 9, 2016
And just like the Avengers, we gotta build better armor and recruit some cool sassy teens to the cause.
Emily Heller is so g-dang funny. She kills it on Twitter, watching her standup live is basically a spiritual experience, and her podcast Baby Geniuses is a thing of beauty. And now she has a new special out on Comedy Central! If you’ve survived Monday and been very good, you deserve to treat yourself to a half hour of Heller. Go on over to their website and check it out.