Holy macaroni, WHAT A WEEK. What’s going on, is the world like ‘let’s see how much insanity we can squeeze into seven days’??? Current events have us like:
At least we have hot takes and cool jokes to keep us afloat, hunties. Now settle down and enjoy these perfect tweets.
“I would like to volunteer to give up my seat.”
“Ma’am, this is a McDonalds.”
“Just take it! I don’t want any trouble!”
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) April 10, 2017
sad 2 report that i got nervous talking to a boy, looked @ my bare wrist like i was checkin my watch, & he said “so what time is your wrist”
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) April 13, 2017
My fav workout mix is the prison of my own mind
— Sydney Nikols (@sydneynikols) April 10, 2017
it’s a tragic day for me and all my fellow hot women pic.twitter.com/e2sUYFPKuE
— Ali V. (@alivingiano) April 13, 2017
She’s Just Not That Into You or Anything Really Except Naps and Snacks –a movie I’d relate to
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) April 10, 2017
Chag sameach, girl. In case you were wondering, I’m the wicked child 😉 😉 😉
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) April 13, 2017
My favorite part of Easter is my eggs dying.
— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) April 13, 2017
Don’t point to something with the same hand that’s holding your bruschetta, or you’ll end up with just bread.
— Gran Master E. (@E_lok44) April 10, 2017
Day passes avail. pic.twitter.com/X4BtBSCjwX
— Mo Welch (@momowelch) April 13, 2017
“Why don’t they just make the whole plane out of physical assault?” pic.twitter.com/hPulpXGayc
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) April 10, 2017
TWENTY ONE TWENT FUN TWENTY TONS OF BEING ABLE TO WALK INTO BARS WITHOUT GETTING ARRESTED THEN WALKING OUT TO GO HOME AND SEE MY CAT.
— Abigail Breslin (@yoabbaabba) April 13, 2017
me thinking abt the fact i have to pick a career and get a good job to make money to live even tho im not passionate abt anything&wanna die pic.twitter.com/nKQnSY2otF
— indie (@COCONUTOILBAE) April 9, 2017