Weekly Roundup Of The Funniest Tweets

Another week, another roundup of the best tweets from badass ladies. WE LIVE FOR FRIDAYS BECAUSE OF THIS!

I too have opinions about basketballs, for instance one time I got hit in the face with one and it really hurt like heck.

— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) May 12, 2016

#Strong #Opinions

If looking @ my phone gives me a double chin, so be it *sobs*

— amanda may gavlick (@thegloriousAMG) May 12, 2016

Worth it, in our opinion.

Do you ever exfoliate so much that you think you’ve exfoliated part of your soul away. Because same.

— Jenna Mourey/Marbles (@Jenna_Marbles) May 12, 2016

Yep, all the damn time.

They say change is a natural and even healthy part of life but it’s still going to take some time to get used to this new Instagram logo.

— Cynthia Kao (@CynthKao) May 12, 2016

RIP old Instagram.

I know I don’t “need” a boyfriend but it sure would be nice to have someone to melt cheese on things for me.

— Toby Herman (@tobyherman27) May 12, 2016

Boyfriends = personal cheese melters.

“Even Beyonce has adult acne,” she whispered to herself, lying

— courtney nunes (@courtney_nunes) May 12, 2016

Guess she’s just flawless.

I’d rather someone text me “fuck you” than “mic drop.”

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) May 12, 2016

Same.

One time I described myself as “laid back” and a dictionary became sentient and told me to learn what words mean

— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) May 12, 2016

AHAHAHAHAHAH, WHAT IS LAID BACK?! WHAT EVEN IS IT?!

*makes voodoo of myself*
*rubs it’s little back*

— denise (@Stellacopter) May 12, 2016

Accurate use of a voodoo doll.

Still waiting on Uptown Funk to give it to me.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) May 12, 2016

Aren’t we all?

I’m insecure, sad, and lonely, but I’m not bumper-sticker insecure, sad, and lonely.

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) May 12, 2016

There’s a difference, dammit.

remember the old days when you would talk to someone online and you’d have no idea what they looked like

— Your Grace (@GraceSpelman) May 12, 2016

L O L, what is that?

Took some cheese cubes home from work and while I don’t feel bad about it, I certainly don’t feel good about it.

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 12, 2016

It’s a fine line.

some advice: never put a GoPro on your vibrator

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 12, 2016

Whoops.

Sorry I didn’t respond to your text, I was busy not wanting to.

— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) May 12, 2016

Amen.

u ever feel like God is probably so sick of ur shit

— farwz (@farwzaz) May 12, 2016

We just choose to ignore it.

“Nobody would say any of these things in real life” – me watching sex and the city

— Your Grace (@GraceSpelman) May 12, 2016

What do you mean, Sex and the City is SO accurate to normal, everyday life!

FACT: cooking a baked potato requires the same level of planning as a two week vacation.

— Erika Abdelatif (@erikaabdelatif) May 12, 2016

Woof, true.

My nickname is IKEA because I’m tough to figure out but still fall apart easily.

— Alison Leiby (@AlisonLeiby) May 12, 2016

Sounds like us.

when anybody disagrees with me about anything pic.twitter.com/QjtnXelmMF

— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 11, 2016

YUP.

Pretty cool that in order to live your dreams, you have to first live your nightmares for 5-30 years.

— LISA CURRY (@lisa_curry) May 11, 2016

Too real…too, too real.

WHEN UR FRIENDSHIP IS BUILT ON EXPOSING PPLS LIES pic.twitter.com/8mVA4Pxoky

— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) May 11, 2016

We’re deceased. Amazing.

I feel bad for rich ppl bc they miss out on fun experiences like checkin to see if frozen pizza at the dollar store is really only a dollar

— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) May 11, 2016

IS IT ONLY A DOLLAR THOUGH? IS IT?

“I mean, we’re supposed to have some bacteria in our mouths, right?” she pondered while refusing to get up to brush her teeth before bed.

— Lindsey Finn (@LindseyMFinn) May 11, 2016

Yikes. Also, yes.