It’s a mother’s worst fear – you trip and drop the most precious thing you have. Oh did we say ‘mother’? We meant ‘phone owner’. Our girl Jennifer Blakeslee captured the moment when your phone goes flying and your heart basically explodes.
Great cinema is a symphony, in which the writing and acting blend together harmoniously to create a masterpiece. And in this triumph of filmmaking, actor and artiste Nina Concepcion presents the great monologues from movie history. You haven’t seen Tremors til you’ve seen it performed by a serious actress.
You wrap ’em up and toss ’em out probably 17 times a month. You don’t even spare a thought for them. But have you ever considered what your tampon might think of you? The all-American heroes of sketch team Future Wives bring you the internal monologues of those little cotton doohickeys.
The vice-presidential debate brought up a lot of questions. Why does Trump have such a boner for Putin? Was Kaine on some type of roids? But most of all, it had us wondering why men so often really don’t like letting women talk.
Fortunately the brains behind Hurdy Blurdy created this primer to how to not sound too shrill/bossy/bitchy/wimpy for men. Hillary is a shoo-in for prez now!
When the barista rolls their eyes at your order and you fantasize about slapping the cup out of their hands. When your ex-boyfriend slides into the DM’s and you fantasize about posting the screenshot. Ooh, when a dude catcalls you and you fantasize about screaming right in his stupid sexist face. All these tiny fantasies help us get through the day.
Which is why the series Tiny Fantasies from Maggie Monahan and Sydney Nikols is p much our favorite thing on the internet right now. It’s so funny and so, so, SO satisfying.
Ok so the world is 90% garbage. But sometimes to keep going you just gotta take a deep breath, laugh a loud laugh, and watch a corgi shaking its weird butt.
May these tweets make it all seem a little more tolerable, bbs.
where is the gwyneth paltrow remix of “i hit it first” pic.twitter.com/rOJBYEUkED
— #BrittanySpanos (@ohheybrittany) September 20, 2016
On the one hand it’s mean to celebrate the end of a relationship, on the other hand THIS TWEET THO.
“I love Fall!” = “I can gain weight and hide it under layers of clothes!” #FirstDayofFall
— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) September 22, 2016
Pumpkin Spice Latte season is also Eat An Entire Medium Pizza Alone season.
Apparently, Tinder isn’t a food delivery service so my apologies to all the guys who showed up wanting to put things in my mouth.
— ? (@Sassafrantz) September 19, 2016
— ? (@Sassafrantz) September 21, 2016
THAT FIRE EMOJI IS FOR REAL.
My inspirational quotes business is booming. Go fund me coming soon. pic.twitter.com/zPL6iGyjPW
— Megan Gailey (@megangailey) September 23, 2016
We’d buy the shit out of this on Etsy.
Man, I thought karaoke was embarrassing, then publicly lip syncing became a thing
— Lauren Lapkus (@laurenlapkus) September 23, 2016
Turns out modern life is just one big cringe.
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN THREE FICTIONAL CHARACTERS: MAN VS MAN, MAN VS NATURE, MAN VS SELF
— Lindsay Pavlas ? (@LindsayPavlas) September 22, 2016
Congratulations are in order to Ms Pavlas for winning the internet.
just don’t rape anyone.
— How To Not Rape (@howtonotrape) September 20, 2016
Wow @kmay with the helpful advice.
when u fall out with ur best friend pic.twitter.com/K9ibO7tuIH
— jasmine ?☁️? (@jasmineeec) September 23, 2016
What store is this, we need this item badly.
Why does every pepper grinder look like a steampunk penis? pic.twitter.com/kjXQFj7h12
— Amanda (@Manda_like_wine) September 20, 2016
This has us crying. Cryyyiiiiing.
Him: I think you’re pretty.
Me: *flips table* THINK? You don’t KNOW?
Me: Sorry, dude. I only had 4 hot dogs today.
— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) September 16, 2016
Omg someone please get this poor child 7 more hot dogs stat.
My patronus is one of those pigeons that’s stuck inside the mall.
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) September 22, 2016
‘Oh don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here DYING IN THIS MALL’
I wonder if any talk show hosts rubbed Hitler’s hair?
— Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) September 16, 2016
No but US newspapers did enjoy talking about how calm the traffic was in Nazi Germany, so that’s not great.
“I heard the line he just used on you, we have a booth, come sit with us” pic.twitter.com/4GhiqZZCYz
— maura quint (@behindyourback) September 17, 2016
Lol forever at dudes who think women are ‘catty’, honestly.
I would love to be British. Drinking my leaf water and staring at a huge clock from my red phone booth, adding extra letters to wourds.
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 23, 2016
Ah yes, how fine it would be to be in Merrye Oldye Englandeeeee.
cant believe all my exes got together for lunch pic.twitter.com/wU87olgGtj
— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) September 23, 2016
Stop. Read this joke again. It’s perfect.
Made it to the weekend like pic.twitter.com/AE3TGmSSNu
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 23, 2016
Hell yeah little baby, you werk for the weekend!!!