Melissa McCarthy was back hosting SNL this weekend and it was EV. RY. THING. The one good thing about Sean Spicer still being press secretary (which, like, how is that still a thing) is that we get Queen McCarthy’s impression of him every couple of weeks. And this time, there’s payoff for that glorious podium stunt from last week. PRAISE!
Yiiiiiiikes this week has been insane. Seems like everyone’s busy getting their rights taken away or getting peed on. In times like this, to whom can we turn for a lil 140 character inspiration? Um, funny women of course!
Enjoy these hilarious tweets from some of our fave internet geniuses.
Ironically, Hidden Fences does sort of sound like it’d be a great movie about institutionalized racism.
— Riley?️?Silverman (@ryesilverman) January 9, 2017
Me on Instagram: Made cupcakes w the kids, love them so much
Me for real: YOU’RE GETTING EGGSHELLS IN THE BATTER JESUS CHRIST LET ME DO IT
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 12, 2017
Sorry I only had sex with you so I could count it in my fitness app pic.twitter.com/WDlzcvrWAB
— Allegra Ringo (@allegraringo) January 9, 2017
Please don’t make America a place where you have to Kickstarter your cancer treatment because you didn’t like the last president.
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 12, 2017
Waiting for Trump to tweet about Meryl like pic.twitter.com/aOFPE6ZJGv
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) January 9, 2017
Him: Let’s take the stairs!
Me: I think we should see other people.
— Fickle_Filly (@Fickle_Filly) January 8, 2017
This is like Senior week in high school except after this we’re all going to die. https://t.co/yy5SdDquua
— Kimberly N. Foster (@KimberlyNFoster) January 12, 2017
Film screeners have warnings against publicly performing them; it is with deep regret that I must cancel my one woman show “Doctor Strange.”
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) January 12, 2017
what the fuck this took me YEARS pic.twitter.com/7vfekfPRGg
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 12, 2017
I know lots of rich guys who can’t make a woman cum and that’s irresponsible AF https://t.co/ZFnBF9BJQo
— Rachel Fisher (@TheRachelFisher) January 13, 2017
“Do you want Chrome to remember this password?”
“Password is incorrect” pic.twitter.com/w0WYTtRGi0
— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) January 10, 2017
So no one read up on how Casey Affleck is a garbage person sexual predator creep pic.twitter.com/pycj4x1VsD
— Nina Concepción (@ninamconcepcion) January 9, 2017
We don’t need the ACA. In much the same way we don’t need schools. Or roads. Or any infrastructure. Let’s all just die of exposure
— Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal) January 12, 2017
what i don’t need today—or any other day tbh—is a devil’s advocate. the devil stays advocating for his damn self. he’s got a whole team, fam
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) January 10, 2017
this is important. pic.twitter.com/FHDpmN6idq
— Merry Rihannamas (@jfurta_) January 12, 2017
holy shit if you go to staples you will find a whole aisle of documents trump didn’t want you to see pic.twitter.com/bVWOdBeuLn
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 12, 2017
.@IvankaTrumpHQ Haaay, girl. Looks delish. Glad you’re into good health! Speaking of: Maybe ask dad not to rip away coverage from 30 mil?
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) January 13, 2017
If you were worried Emma wouldn’t kill in on Saturday night, well, you’re a fool. OF COURSE she about killed us dead with laughter, and OF COURSE they made her do a high school theatre sketch. This ep was definitely not afraid to experiment, and yeah not every sketch was perfect this week, but it was definitely dominated by the ladies.
So yeah duh of course we had to start with the candle song. Emma, Aidy and Kate all celebrate the magical candle that everyone has at some point given as a last minute gift. And they do it in high-90’s soft focus fur glamour.
Then of course there’s the theatre show. Every time they do one of these we’re like ‘eh do we need another’ and then every time we’re like ‘HOLY CRAP YES THIS IS AMAZING’. Emma’s little weird genderless pixie cut is truly every theatre teen.
Finally, we need to talk about the well sketch. This one’s for all the sensitive boys, and the moms who get them. But it’s also for anyone who’s ever longed for a well to whisper secrets to, and we’re pretty sure that applies to anyone reading this website. Here’s to you, bbs.
And by the way? This holiday season, don’t forget to give the candle.
The week is done and Saturday is nigh. Cheers, y’all!
Let’s toast to freedom with these bubbly little glasses of comedy, shall we?
Please fund my kickstarter for a plate that bends time to evenly microwave leftover turkey and potatoes together to the same temperature
— ghost mom (@radtoria) November 25, 2016
Is this the greatest invention of the 21st century? Probly.
I wish just *one* of the headlines about the Starbucks CEO step down had spelled his name wrong.
— Toby Herman (@tobyherman27) December 2, 2016
I doubt people would spend time and money on family Christmas card pictures if they knew exactly what people said when they opened them up.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 1, 2016
‘Oh god, THAT’s what their kid looks like??’
I wanna go to a sex party but instead of having sex we play Connect Four.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) December 1, 2016
This is so hot it’s NSFW, honestly.
Why Didn’t That Girl In The Bathroom Smile Back At Me: The @ladybirdj Story
— LADYBIRDJ (@ladybirdj) November 26, 2016
This is the tale for every awkward woman who’s ever tried to pee in public…
If California is in a drought then why’s there so much water in every bag of baby carrots.
— Gilli Nissim (@Time2GetGill) December 1, 2016
Damn, never thought about it like that ?
Me when postmates shows up. pic.twitter.com/ogGsgI7GGI
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) December 2, 2016
Us, us, us, us af.
? Every kiss begins with pic.twitter.com/zB69ltCwXs
— Eileen M. O’Connell (@i_Lean) December 1, 2016
Can’t believe it took our species til 2016 to figure this out, damn.
Def not ready to be a wife cause I’m mad my mom isn’t home from shopping to warm up leftovers. Sounds like I’m ready to be a husband tho.
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) November 25, 2016
Don’t we all want to be a selfish 1950’s husband, deep down?
Did you know that if you stare at the sun, you’re also staring at its genitals? That’s why they tell you not to. It’s fuckin rude.
— Semiautomagic Sloth (@iliezabeth) November 30, 2016
We’re never gonna stop laughing at this tweet.
Breitbart News: #DumpKelloggs
— Thistallawkwardgirl (@thistallawkgirl) November 30, 2016
Oh look, the whole year in one tweet!
FACEBOOK FRIEND I HAVEN’T SPOKEN TO IN 4 YEARS:
hey girl! how are you?!
ME: this feels like a trap
HER: lol! have you heard about Beach Body
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) December 2, 2016
Oh also I’d love to talk to you about how you can make extra money from home with Amway!
Dear shitty white dudes,
Black and brown people didn’t take your jobs. They were shipped overseas by other shitty white dudes.
— Not My President (@missmayn) December 1, 2016
Show this tweet to every white man in your life. Do it for us. Kthanks.
My mom’s take on this photo: “Romney looks like he’s just been told ‘No, Secretary of STEAK'” pic.twitter.com/RxNHDMqc69
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) November 30, 2016
Dang, Megan’s mom is on fire.
I don’t need to be rich. I just want to be comfortable enough that I don’t feel guilty throwing away a Ziploc bag after only using it once.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) November 30, 2016
What comes next, ordering a drink with lunch without worrying about how it will impact your budget?!?!
“But yes I’ll have the crab cakes” https://t.co/1cV64eqMkX
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 30, 2016
Kween Chrissy, ladies and gentlemen.
Paintings from the famous medieval series, “Actually…” pic.twitter.com/1ZR0Gd0pKQ
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) December 2, 2016
Wow, looks like mansplainers are at least consistent!
That would look great on a hat pic.twitter.com/P2alUAkQTT
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) November 27, 2016
So much better than the original version.
When the dictionary needs a hug: pic.twitter.com/wZDGDB5XQb
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) November 29, 2016
U good Merriam? Need to talk?
All pics of couples should be captioned “WE’RE FINE!”
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) November 30, 2016
It’s just like the old saying – ‘the more she snaps, the sooner they snap’.
Ok so the Cryptkeeper was once alive, right? So what the fuck did he look like when he was human?
— Emily V Gordon (@emilyvgordon) November 25, 2016
WHAT THE WHAT why has no one ever considered this before?!?!?
IF U THINK FROG & TOAD ARE JUS FRIENDS
UR NOT PAYIN ATTENTION pic.twitter.com/jczdHCLmhL
— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) November 28, 2016
Legalize amphibian love!