It’s hot as hell and we’re not gonna take it anymore!!
But before you hit the mall for some sweet sweet air conditioning, make sure you read these tasty tweets, and show these comedians some love.
if my husband ever called me a curvy goddess i’d figure out a way to use my huge butt to kill him
— monica heisey (@monicaheisey) August 4, 2017
I’m not always there when u call
Because I’m pic.twitter.com/rdGhjtGjdq— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) August 1, 2017
Check it out: I found a mouse IUD pic.twitter.com/cKeHe2cDc3
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) August 2, 2017
Prob makes black men better dads too but we wouldn’t know bc they’re in jail for it instead of on the Today show. https://t.co/9ST2TCYZtT
— Felesha Lee (@FeleshaLee) August 1, 2017
it’s time for fall looks!
out: having a body
in: sacrificing your mortal form in a forbidden dark ritual to become a deathless lich— merritt k (@merrittk) August 2, 2017
Gonna write a children’s story about a Latina princess just so her fairy godmother can say, “You gotta kiss a lot of ranas con ganas, mija.”
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) August 2, 2017
Sessions: “white people can’t get into college anymore because black people are hogging all the water with lead in it”
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) August 2, 2017
I did a thing. pic.twitter.com/EgvzLFECAF
— Kayla (@Maria_Giesela) August 4, 2017
DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT pic.twitter.com/Kr48zBcL1m
— Klaudia Amenábar (@kaludiasays) August 2, 2017
music store clerk, after an hour or so: Can I help you?
me, still can’t remember the word ‘castanets’: I’d like your finest applause clams.
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) August 2, 2017
mom coming in hard with the facts pic.twitter.com/ejUwDifif2
— Xena WorrierPrincess (@marianbull) August 2, 2017
Love comes in all brands ❤️❤️❤️??? so brave, so beautiful pic.twitter.com/CiX7LoUvbb
— just Korn tweets now (@MilfParade) August 4, 2017
Watching this press briefing like pic.twitter.com/qW5wgdeItD
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) August 2, 2017
Nice try but I have fallen for this shit before!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5uM4T18L6g
— fran hoepfner (@franhoepfner) August 2, 2017
y’all think i smoked weed last night or nah? pic.twitter.com/NbAB3ldEpd
— Kerry O’Neill (@iamkerryoneill) August 2, 2017
Me trying to squeeze a 5 minute song in before I arrive at my destination that’s 2 minutes away pic.twitter.com/riPzNU2V8y
— ? (@Princessofwifi) August 2, 2017
Just once I’d like to receive a pregnancy announcement card that reads, “Yup! He came in me!”
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) August 2, 2017
Most days, we throw our phones in the toilet when we get an AP alert… but not this day.https://t.co/rD9soRpR8Y
— Full Frontal (@FullFrontalSamB) August 4, 2017