IT’S THE HAPPIEST DAY OF THE WEEK.
IT’S FRIDAY.
We’re so excited, because Friday also means WEEKLY ROUNDUP OF THE FUNNIEST TWEETS. Enjoy.
Changing all my dating site photos to these pic.twitter.com/bFT511fp8P
— Maritza Lugo (@PolaRoid_Rage) May 5, 2016
Perfect.
If you’re ever intimidated by somebody remember that they’ve also had to stand in their socks at airport security.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 5, 2016
Ahhh, the humiliation of the airport. Bringing people together forever.
for that special mom you don’t even know you’re just sending out cards to any mom pic.twitter.com/UjqY1EMjTo
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) May 5, 2016
Poor “any mom.”
ME IN EVERY MEETING:
CEO: Anyone else have any revenue stream ideas?
*holds up dog I drew*— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 5, 2016
YO, THAT’S A GOOD DOG THOUGH.
I only drink so much wine because I’m relaxation deficient.
— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) May 4, 2016
Same, sister.
SVU is the best show and the only show pic.twitter.com/uo21S24pcE
— courtney nunes (@courtney_nunes) May 4, 2016
Praise all that is holy and Olivia Benson.
A joke I’m really loving right now is taking photos of a street lamp & pretending I think it’s the moon.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 4, 2016
Classic prank.
someone said I look tired. I AM TIRED.
— Steak (@steaktweet) May 3, 2016
All the damn time.
Also I am convinced I have a drooping face from looking at my phone. Or is it because I am middle aged?
— christina applegate (@1capplegate) May 3, 2016
It’s the phone. For sure the phone.
What if you took a shit in your therapist’s bathroom and it wouldn’t flush? It would be such an awesome metaphor.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) May 3, 2016
Our minds are blown.
When your guy friends are shocked to find that someone is v sexist but you knew it all along & even tried to tell em pic.twitter.com/9hKXzzSXfB
— Hannah Garcés (@pukingcrone) May 3, 2016
That. GIF. Is. Everything.
Me: I’d like to fall asleep, please.
Anxiety: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Nope.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 2, 2016
L – O – L, story of our life.
I wanna shadow all the stuff Gwyneth Paltrow does but in the real world and see how long it takes me to be on the streets
— Li’l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) May 2, 2016
It would take a very long time for us mere mortals.
Should I sign up for Kevin Spacey’s online acting class or just kill myself?
— Courtney Pauroso (@courtneypauroso) May 1, 2016
Honestly, it’s a hard question.
I took 6 timeline-worthy selfies today. I might not even show up for work. I might quit.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 1, 2016
Praise you, queen.
I’ve never met a Courtney who didn’t spend at least 73% of her time rolling her eyes.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 1, 2016
*Eye-roll emoji*
I just want to be a kitchen in a Nancy Meyers romantic comedy.
— Cassie Brown (@Ext_CassieBrown) May 1, 2016
LITERAL LIFE GOALS.
I got Splash Mountain water in my eye what does it mean what diseases do I have now?
— c e l e s t e (@celesteballard) May 1, 2016
Quick, get thee to a hospital!
There are two popular songs on the radio right now where the lyrics are just the word “work” repeated a thousand times
— Lauren Lapkus (@laurenlapkus) May 1, 2016
Werk werk werk werk werk…something something.
Live everyday like you’re President Obama telling Kendall Jenner to say hi to Kim and Kanye
— Annie Stamell (@stamos) May 1, 2016
YAAAS.
Cheerios look like a bunch of bleached buttholes.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 1, 2016
Welp, never going to eat a bowl of Cheerios without thinking about buttholes again.
what a time to be social media pic.twitter.com/IYL0jHlh4w
— Beth Alexandroff (@bethalexandroff) May 6, 2016
Horrifying.
I suck at road trips my bones always hurt and I pee too often and my phone always dies
— farwz (@farwzaz) May 6, 2016
Same.
I am starting to feel pressured to release new music because everybody else is.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 6, 2016
Beyoncé, Drake, US?!?!? ARE WE NEXT?!?!
