We don’t mean to alarm you but IT’S THE WEEKEND. We made it through this wack ass week, and that’s worth celebrating.
So why not get the party started with these hilarious tweets from the internet’s funniest people? Seriously, read these tweets out loud to everyone at your party, they’ll love it.
“Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know”
Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017
— Maggie Mae Fish (@MaggieMaeFish) July 25, 2017
A nutritionist was trying to tell me how to make ‘healthy’ fried chicken and by step #6, I just thought making meth would be easier to make.
— Cristela Alonzo (@cristela9) July 25, 2017
Say “I love you!” to yourself as much as you say it to your cat
— Ashlyn Anstee (@ashlynanstee) July 27, 2017
Sitting here masturbating pic.twitter.com/AO9NtvmGPO
— F▲ITH (@faithchoyce) July 25, 2017
My husband busted me looking at shoes online, so I said it was writing research. Anyway, here’s a dark psychological thriller set in a DSW.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 26, 2017
Men: Stop wasting ur time on horoscopes that stuff is BS
Also men: *spends 2 hours watching videos of dudes falling off their skateboards*
— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) July 23, 2017
Me, gloomily staring into space: I’m so lonely
Me, 30 mins into hanging out with anyone: No offense, but I really need some time alone now
— Brosephine Wires (@JoParkerBear) July 27, 2017
— Kate Walsh (@katewalsh) July 25, 2017
If all dogs go to heaven do cats go to PURRRGATORY?
do not make me apologize for this joke
— exits (@alexisbpreston) July 22, 2017
How do I tell my gyno I saw her at the movies & heard her say she didn’t like “Get Out” & now I can’t trust her judgment + stop trolling me pic.twitter.com/pFE1k7YNzi
— It’s Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) July 27, 2017
Please. My rabbit. He’s very sick. pic.twitter.com/MSejV0hvtn
— madds (@whatmaddness) July 23, 2017
my reaction to every direct quote from scaramucci pic.twitter.com/bHgPvo9ht2
— Ziwe (@ziwe) July 27, 2017
Whenever someone says women aren’t funny, I always miss it bc I’m busy making things and writing
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) July 25, 2017