Inhale. Remember that it’s almost time to open presents. Exhale. Think about how many sexual predators are getting taken down. Repeat until you feel at peace with the world and it’s 2018.
Oh and doy we almost forgot the most important part: read funny tweets from hilarious women every single day! It’s for your health.
2016: Not All Men
2017: Enough Men That Every Day Feels A Little Bit Creepier— Kashana (@kashanacauley) December 7, 2017
I’ve yet to meet a successful person who uses the word “adulting.”
— Dorky Romano (@paperphotoyo) December 4, 2017
Me: Im a very private person you need to really know me before I actually open up
Me to hundreds of strangers online: anyway I’m HORNY and SUICIDAL
— luisa (@666bitchcraft) December 7, 2017
Being an adult means finding at least one vegetable, one exercise, and one ethical porn site you like
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 5, 2017
why do i almost fall asleep on the couch at 9pm then drag myself to get ready for bed and suddenly have enough energy to start a business
— Esther Povitsky (@littleesther) December 8, 2017
i wish someone had told me that being an adult would mean hiding in your room because your roommate has people over & ur like fuck that nope
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) December 8, 2017
a car horn, but instead of honking, it says “sorry ‘scuse me ‘scuse me sorry sorry scu- sorry”
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) December 5, 2017
I totally get that Franken resigning is “good” but everyone saying now the ball is in the GOPs court is more delusional than an aspiring you tube star.
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) December 7, 2017
My family’s tradition of picking our Christmas tree out in the Home Depot parking lot dates back to the early 1400s.
— Anna Grace (@graceupongracie) December 4, 2017
i let my mom listen to my spotify so my 2017 year in review is just cardi b and every song hall and oates ever released
— victoria (@theblowout) December 5, 2017
I can’t un-see this. pic.twitter.com/9J1igRCJ29
— Molly McKew (@MollyMcKew) December 5, 2017
Isn’t there a Marvel superhero I can play that’s just like a mom who’s nearing 40 whose superpower is working out and knowing which fad diets work??
— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) December 4, 2017
Just got into the Christmas spirit by remembering how cool Joseph was about an invisible guy impregnating his lady Mary.
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 8, 2017
me: I stopped by the witch store and bought a spirit cleansing kit to banish any negative entities that might be lingering in your new house
my dad, used to my bullshit: thank you, that’s very nice of you
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) December 4, 2017
facebook 2007: i changed my relationship status to “it’s complicated” haha
facebook 2017: i guess aunt karen is both racist and misogynistic
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) December 5, 2017
I’m tired of all these false accusations about Roy Moore being a Christian
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 5, 2017
