Y’all, it’s starting to have that distinct ‘end of the world’ feeling out there. Natural disasters and political bullsh have us feeling like…
But at the end of the day, what unites us all and keeps us going is hilarious women making perfect internet jokes. So rest your weary heart with these insanely funny tweets.
When mom told me we were moving to the US I said to her “No mom, why that’s illegal.I’m 9 and I know the law. I’m stayin in Argentina alone”
— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) September 6, 2017
It turns out the answer to my problems wasn’t at the bottom of this pint of ice cream, but the important thing is that I tried.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 6, 2017
BREAKING: my fucking sanity.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) September 6, 2017
“anyway, here’s wonderwall” pic.twitter.com/2lyzZ5FTW6
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) September 7, 2017
High school teachers: I’m MRS. HARDASS and you will take me SERIOUSLY
College profs: what up I’m Josh and class is cancelled cuz I’m tired
— Momma Becca (@HBecca2017) September 5, 2017
Excuse me, yes, hi, I noticed our politics differ, so I was hoping I could unleash all the cumulative rage in my life onto your web presence
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 6, 2017
MY SISTER TEACHES CELLO
SHE REPORTS THAT HER NEW STUDENTS CALL SHARPS “HASHTAGS”
CONCERTO IN F HASHTAG
— Marian Call (@mariancall) September 6, 2017
Can I donate my period?
— Shannon O’Neill (@spotastic) September 7, 2017
Teen on street: Hey, lesbian!
Me: *turns around* Yep?
Teen: Oh, sorry.
Me: Why? You’re right. Do you need something?
Teen: No, ma’am.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) September 6, 2017
This morning my doctor casually used the phrase “family planning” to me & my instinct was 2 be like LADY I’M 24 then remembered I’m 28. pic.twitter.com/v4AjpYeobL
— Nina Concepción (@ninamconcepcion) September 7, 2017
was i funnier five months ago or did my doctor just put me on too much adderall? a memoir
— Carina Hsieh (@carinahsieh) September 8, 2017
I wish I could charge Facebook $1 every time it made me sad
— Connieshin (@thatconnieshin) September 7, 2017
I just *invades country* don’t understand why *bombs them* the middle east *kills innocent people* is so *steals natural resources* unstable
— لمار Lam S. Al (@PapillonBelier) August 31, 2017
Me: I’ve had a tough day. Just go to sleep.
Me: *dozing off*
Brain: PETER PAN WAS TOTALLY A KIDNAPPER
— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) September 7, 2017
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 7, 2017
If we raise men to be less aggressive and entitled who will staff mall kiosks
— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) September 2, 2017