Weekly Roundup Of The Funniest F*cking Tweets

Elizabeth Banks' Whohaha-Michelle Obama Laughing

It’s FRIDAY! Which means, it’s also time to look back at this week’s most hilarious tweets by the funniest tweeters. Who knew 140 characters could make us snort-laugh so much?!

Well, the question mark key on my keyboard no longer works so I guess it’s time to wrap up this existential crisis.

— JDA (@NicCageMatch) September 4, 2014

*Yikes* *Pulls collar*

I saw the best memes of my generation destroyed by madness.

— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) March 11, 2016

Yes, yes, yes.

When people refer to white lies do they mean things like “I don’t even see race” & “gentrification is terrible” & “I’m not a serial killer?” — erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) March 11, 2016

Hmmm….

A stranger saw me and asked “is it St. Patrick’s Day!?” Nah girl, I look this way year round. — Megan Gailey (@megangailey) March 11, 2016

It is what it is. Move along!

Well I guess now we’ll just exchange gifs back and forth until we die — Jess (@jessokfine) November 25, 2015

Yep. 2016, baby.

It’s the end of Titanic & the ship is America & Trump is Billy Zane. Get on the door, everyone!

— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) March 11, 2016

THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM ON THE DOOR.

I specialize in guessing what people do for a living by going through their belongings. — Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 11, 2016

Hey, it’s legit.

they tell you how great it is to stay hydrated but what they don’t tell you is how annoying it is to use the bathroom three times an hour — farwz (@farwzaz) March 11, 2016

Did you hear that? That loud noise in the distance? That was the sound of the TRUTH BOMB going off.

My only goals in life. pic.twitter.com/8NoWbFOB8B — TaylorAileenHarrison (@goldieharrison) March 11, 2016

All of our goals, honestly.

My husband has a man cold or, as I prefer to call it, justification for spousal homicide.

— Anna Lane (@theannalane) March 11, 2016

YES.

“be sure to get one line in there that’s plausibly about eating ass” – britney spears to her songwriters in 2003 — Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) March 11, 2016

Oh, Brit!

me, watching this debate pic.twitter.com/QBDQsqtyfm — Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) March 11, 2016

All of us watching the debate.

I’m so hungry and snobby I could eat a high horse — Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 11, 2016

YUM. Featured image via.

10 Hilarious Ladies You Should Be Following On Twitter Right Now

Elizabeth Banks' Whohaha-Hillary Clinton

It’s no secret that Twitter is one of the best platforms for a comedic voice. Who doesn’t love reading 140 character quips about a douchey neighbor, or a running commentary on the latest episode of Scandal? In the last few years, Twitter has gone from being a way us mere peasants can feel closer to celebrities, to being an avenue for writers, comedians, and performers.

Here are 10 hilarious, brilliant, so-funny-I’m-gonna-pee women you need to be following on Twitter right now.

1. Brittani Nichols

I’m sorry I called you vaguely famous in front of company

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) December 7, 2015

This writer/comedian/actor needs to be on your Twitter radar. Her biting and sharp wit make us LOL, plus her commentary on society is on point.

2. Julianne Smolinski

My dad once told me bagged cereal was cheaper because the artists who do the boxes are expensive. Hey dads, you can just say “I don’t know.”

— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) December 6, 2015

Smolinski currently writes for Grace and Frankie, but we’re most #thankful and #blessed for her Twitter account.

3. Jenny Johnson

Fun Fact: If your boyfriend gave you a promise ring in high school, he likes guys now.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 9, 2015

Try and scroll through Johnson’s Twitter page without laughing out loud. Seriously, try! It’s pretty much impossible and we love her so much.

4. Beth Stelling

I’ve been called a “female comic” so many times, I’ll probably only be able to answer to “girl daddy” when I have children.

— Beth Stelling (@BethStelling) May 23, 2015

Beth Stelling is not only killing it in the stand-up comedy game, but her tweets are hilarious as well. Our love for her knows no end.

5. Grace Spelman

What would you say if I told you I ate a whole wedge of Brie cheese today? Would you be like “Oh that’s really hot”

— Jingle Spels (@GraceSpelman) December 6, 2015

A writer for BuzzFeed, Spelman’s Twitter account is consistently hilarious.

6. Alexis Wilkinson

“Aren’t you even a little worried that Trump might actually get elected?” Me: pic.twitter.com/gI5edGHFzM

— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) August 28, 2015

Wilkinson is a writer for HBO’s Veep, as if we needed another reason to be obsessed with her.

7. Lindsey Finn

Sometimes I worry I’m irrational on my period then I remember that I’ve never been irrational or wrong a day in my life and fuck everyone.

— Lindsey Finn (@LindseyMFinn) March 30, 2015

This tweet alone deserves a standing ovation. YAAAS QUEEN, PREACH!

8. Julia Segal

I’m so out of shape I should have an Amazon wish list so people can reward me for NOT taking my clothes off.

— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) October 21, 2015

Segal is a writer for The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, and @Midnight, with self-deprecating humor that makes us giggle.

9. Erin Whitehead

Ever see a pic someone posts of you and think “Oh. God. You think this is an ok picture to use because THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE TO YOU.”

— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) December 4, 2015

It’s too real! REPEAT: The tweet is too real! Whitehead, an improviser and comedian at the Upright Citizens Brigade in LA, is one of the best tweeters out there. Her humor is dark, sweet, and just wonderful.

10. Jen Statsky

Have scientists isolated the gene that makes you retweet compliments? — Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) November 30, 2015

Statsky’s writing credits are badass enough to make any aspiring comedy writer jealous: Parks and Recreation, Broad City, Hello Ladies, Late Night With Jimmy Fallon…the list continues. We can totally see why she is absolutely killing it in the comedy writing game – every single thing she tweets is painfully funny.

Featured image via.