Hi, just here to remind you that you’re great and funny women are great and weekends are great. Ok let’s get to the tweets, huh??

“I should be able to say whatever I want whenever I… wait you can’t call me racist I’m offended!”

— Emily V Gordon (@emilyvgordon) November 16, 2016

ACCURATE

WAIT you guys I have an idea for how to fix this: leftist in-fighting

— Allegra Thanksgingo (@allegraringo) November 10, 2016

Wowee, why didn’t we think of that! That’ll do the trick! Everyone get mad about safety pins!

the only way to get over someone is to run at them very fast and then jump as high as you can and hope you get over them

— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) November 18, 2016

So true, did this with an ex-bf and now definitely over him.

Donald Trump can’t even win like a winner.

— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) November 15, 2016

Prrrrrreach!

do not trust men who share the same name as large pieces of artillery pic.twitter.com/3DGnddQp6B

— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) November 17, 2016

Also do not trust men who prove they are terrible.

when you let your loyal subjects eat cake but realize you never got dat slice. pic.twitter.com/mOQpDJdN49

— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) November 18, 2016

Marvel please make a movie about this pug because she is a true hero.

With those little carnival worker hands, will @realDonaldTrump be sworn in on a regular bible or one of those pocket-sized ones?

— Aimee D (@Aimee_B_Loved) November 15, 2016

YA BURNT.

2-year-old: *points to my belly* Baby!

Me: Yep, there’s a baby in there! Will you love it?

2: I eat it.

Well that escalated quickly.

— Lacey Nycole (@LaceyNycole) November 16, 2016

This kid is metal as hell.

I reviewed Kendall and Kylie’s feminist, post-apocalyptic YA novel for @TeenVogue. Brand so strong rn https://t.co/2iJjWhp5uV

— Jillian Gutowitz (@jillboard) November 15, 2016

This is a thing?? THIS IS A THING?!?!?!?

We know, we know. pic.twitter.com/gbh3spIOq0

— Mary Beth Williams (@embeedub) November 15, 2016

Honestly we’re already stocking up on weird red wimples before they get expensive.

Is Tinder currently down and I’m the only person willing to acknowledge this ???

— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) November 15, 2016

Take a look. This is true bravery.

Decided it would be fun to do a little presidential exit polling with my ex-boyfriends. pic.twitter.com/UMCvgzVXgC

— Sarah (@thetigersez) November 12, 2016

IF YOU CARE ABOUT AMERICA YOU WILL ALL DO THIS TO YOUR EXES AND SEND US SCREENSHOTS.

Steve Bannon looks like a dude that’d try to cheat on his wife at an airport P.F. Chang’s

— Megan Gailey (@megangailey) November 15, 2016

And that’s the kindest thing we can say about that racist garbage monster.

pic.twitter.com/2ihmXdkiqB

— Ronna & Beverly (@RonnaAndBeverly) November 16, 2016

Damn, Donald.

Wanna text all my friends “how was the first weekend” like they all got dumped last Tuesday

— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) November 14, 2016

Feels like democracy was our boyfriend and he just left us for a plastic sex doll.

OMG did you hear what happened to the guy who was falsely accused of racism? Nothing. Hes fine. Meanwhile, racism still fucking ppl up daily

— Alice Wetterlund (@alicewetterlund) November 15, 2016

Yeah no but everybody weep for that guy, that’s a good idea.

I feel so seen. pic.twitter.com/PmHlwO8Ygg

— SCORPIO SZN (@whoisGwera) November 17, 2016

#1 meme, all other memes go home.

Veterinarian- You’re here to discuss your dog’s salivation?
Me- No. My dog’s a good dog, he’ll go to Heaven! I’m here about his slobbering.

— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) November 16, 2016

All dogs are good dogs. Not all dogs can keep their tongues in their mouths.

#tbt to 2004 when I was a journalist. I interviewed Betty White. She told me to stay her friend and, well, I haven’t heard from her since. pic.twitter.com/sPBnYYMKPk

— Fortune Feimster (@fortunefunny) November 18, 2016

Who knew Fortune was this savage and/or a journalist at one point.

Haven’t been able to move, just watching HGTV. Surprised there isn’t a show about ways to spruce up your attic for hiding out in yet.

— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) November 18, 2016

If Bette Midler started the revolution we’d be on the barricades for sure.

2 years ago I left a jacket on a bus and I still think about it almost every day I think something is wrong with me.

— Jennie Pierson (@jenniepie) November 18, 2016

How good of a jacket was it tho?

insane that bush era is now considered “simpler times” pic.twitter.com/T9skqbVDHk

— Ziwe (@ziwe) November 16, 2016

Remember when he passed the Patriot Act and took away our right to privacy? *Siiiiigh*

People keep asking WWJD and I’m like I DON’T KNOW he’s unpredictable af.

— denise (@Stellacopter) November 16, 2016

Amen! Oh shit wait-

*plays deniece williams’s ‘let’s hear it for the boy’*

FOUR FOR YOU, JEREMY. YOU GO, JEREMY! pic.twitter.com/wGuMela519

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) November 17, 2016

Thought love was dead. Jeremy just defibrillated it.

TRUMP: So where is the Nuclear button or whatever?

OBAMA: (hands him a Staples big red EASY button) uh…there you go buddy.

— beth loves cake, so (@bourgeoisalien) November 14, 2016

HONESTLY THIS IS A GOOD IDEA BARACK PLEASE TRY THIS.