ER MER GERD – IT’S FRIDAY.
You made it through another week, so treat yourself to this list of the funniest tweets from this week!
Just waiting for a mediocre NBA player to come and sweep me off my feet!
— Megan Gailey (@megangailey) April 22, 2016
Aren’t we all?!
PROTIP: You don’t even have to have anything playing in the headphones to get people to stop talking to you.
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) April 22, 2016
Very true.
This detox tea tastes like I’d rather choke on a donut.
— Lacey Nycole (@LaceyNycole) April 22, 2016
Choking on a donut>better than most things.
would you rather: lick a public toilet, or be a woman walking down the street & taking public transpo without a pair of headphones
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 22, 2016
Toilet’s aren’t as dirty as we think, right?
A police dog had to sniff my bag but it was a puppy so I wasn’t even worried cause it’s probably not good at its job yet.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 21, 2016
Give it a few more years.
less nude beaches, more nude libraries and diners
— Li’l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) April 21, 2016
YAAAAAS!
prince made it chill to be horny and weird, which is a huge gift because literally everyone is both
— monica heisey (@monicaheisey) April 21, 2016
He was truly a legend.
Nothing gets me harder than referring to Tom Cruise’s character as Mission Impossible & waiting for someone to correct me.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 21, 2016
That’s literally the name of every one of his characters, right? Just “Mission Impossible.” Mish Imposs for short.
I really want to go to that Game of Thrones temple of dead people’s faces and just kinda poke around for a while
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 20, 2016
You aren’t alone.
lookin cute will travel 4 compliments where my crushes at drop a pin
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) April 20, 2016
Where all the cuties at?!
Any day can be 420 if you eat like crap and have no idea what the hell is going on
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) April 20, 2016
Happy Holidaze.
Sometimes I just take Wednesday and Thursday off from being a person.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) April 20, 2016
And Monday and Tuesday and Friday…
Old man: You have a beautiful smile
Me: No shit— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) April 18, 2016
*snaps*
I’m finally the age where I’m emotionally strong enough to ask a middle school boy to slow dance
— Laura Willcox (@Laura_Willcox) April 18, 2016
Honestly, still pretty terrifying.
Mother Earth is great but she’d be prettier if she smiled more and lost the baby weight.
— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 22, 2016
Otherwise she has no worth!
it’s so hard to feel good about myself when my eyebrows aren’t done
— farwz (@farwzaz) April 22, 2016
The truest statement. Brows=everything.
Early on in a relationship it’s important to be honest with the other person and establish that you quite literally have no flaws.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 22, 2016
YEP. We are perfect, flawless creatures.
I found a spider in my kitchen so now I live w my neighbors this is my new house please let my son know where I am.
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) April 22, 2016
Reasons to pick up and flee: spiders, spiders, and spiders.
I call myself “my crush” in conversation so I can talk about me more.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 22, 2016
Let’s all just get crushes on ourselves, yeah?
Featured gif via.
