Funny tweets truly give us life. Funny tweets by hilarious women? YAAAS. Sign us up. Here is your weekly roundup of the funniest f*cking tweets. ENJOY.

What would I do for a Klondike Bar? Nothing. But I’d punch a baby in the face for an ice cream sandwich.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 13, 2016

What would I do for a Klondike Bar? Nothing. But I’d punch a baby in the face for an ice cream sandwich. — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 13, 2016

Until I can take a “Which Los Angeles football team are you?” quiz on Facebook, none of this is real. — Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) January 13, 2016

You have a better chance of winning the Powerball than making me watch Ride Along 2 with you. — Sassafrantz (@Sassafrantz) January 13, 2016

my favorite Netflix movie subcategory is documentaries of how cool drugs were in the 80s featuring a strong female lead who is also a horse — Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) January 13, 2016

Canceling plans with friends doesn’t give me that rush anymore. I need to cancel a wedding — Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) January 13, 2016

I can’t understand why anyone would beat their kids when it’s so easy to flip them off and mouth the words “Fuck you” behind their backs. — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 13, 2016

Sour beer: It’s like a yeast infection in your mouth! — Jena Friedman (@JenaFriedman) January 13, 2016

The conservative Catholic college I attended didn’t have “all lesbian characters to ever appear on tv” as a major so I studied theology. — Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) January 13, 2016

I like my coffee not at all like I like my men. I love coffee. — erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) January 13, 2016

Today is Make Your Drams Come True Day so be sure to buy a Powerball ticket if your dream is to be murdered for your money. — Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) January 13, 2016

If you’re too old to get teen pregnant but still want to see a look of disappointment on your father’s face, may I suggest a short haircut. — Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 13, 2016

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