IT’S THE HAPPIEST DAY OF THE WEEK.
We’re so excited, because Friday also means WEEKLY ROUNDUP OF THE FUNNIEST TWEETS. Enjoy.
Changing all my dating site photos to these pic.twitter.com/bFT511fp8P
— Maritza Lugo (@PolaRoid_Rage) May 5, 2016
If you’re ever intimidated by somebody remember that they’ve also had to stand in their socks at airport security.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 5, 2016
Ahhh, the humiliation of the airport. Bringing people together forever.
for that special mom you don’t even know you’re just sending out cards to any mom pic.twitter.com/UjqY1EMjTo
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) May 5, 2016
Poor “any mom.”
ME IN EVERY MEETING:
CEO: Anyone else have any revenue stream ideas?
*holds up dog I drew*
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 5, 2016
YO, THAT’S A GOOD DOG THOUGH.
I only drink so much wine because I’m relaxation deficient.
— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) May 4, 2016
SVU is the best show and the only show pic.twitter.com/uo21S24pcE
— courtney nunes (@courtney_nunes) May 4, 2016
Praise all that is holy and Olivia Benson.
A joke I’m really loving right now is taking photos of a street lamp & pretending I think it’s the moon.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 4, 2016
someone said I look tired. I AM TIRED.
— Steak (@steaktweet) May 3, 2016
All the damn time.
Also I am convinced I have a drooping face from looking at my phone. Or is it because I am middle aged?
— christina applegate (@1capplegate) May 3, 2016
It’s the phone. For sure the phone.
What if you took a shit in your therapist’s bathroom and it wouldn’t flush? It would be such an awesome metaphor.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) May 3, 2016
Our minds are blown.
When your guy friends are shocked to find that someone is v sexist but you knew it all along & even tried to tell em pic.twitter.com/9hKXzzSXfB
— Hannah Garcés (@pukingcrone) May 3, 2016
That. GIF. Is. Everything.
Me: I’d like to fall asleep, please.
Anxiety: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Nope.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 2, 2016
L – O – L, story of our life.
I wanna shadow all the stuff Gwyneth Paltrow does but in the real world and see how long it takes me to be on the streets
— Li’l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) May 2, 2016
It would take a very long time for us mere mortals.
Should I sign up for Kevin Spacey’s online acting class or just kill myself?
— Courtney Pauroso (@courtneypauroso) May 1, 2016
Honestly, it’s a hard question.
I took 6 timeline-worthy selfies today. I might not even show up for work. I might quit.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 1, 2016
Praise you, queen.
I’ve never met a Courtney who didn’t spend at least 73% of her time rolling her eyes.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) May 1, 2016
I just want to be a kitchen in a Nancy Meyers romantic comedy.
— Cassie Brown (@Ext_CassieBrown) May 1, 2016
LITERAL LIFE GOALS.
I got Splash Mountain water in my eye what does it mean what diseases do I have now?
— c e l e s t e (@celesteballard) May 1, 2016
Quick, get thee to a hospital!
There are two popular songs on the radio right now where the lyrics are just the word “work” repeated a thousand times
— Lauren Lapkus (@laurenlapkus) May 1, 2016
Werk werk werk werk werk…something something.
Live everyday like you’re President Obama telling Kendall Jenner to say hi to Kim and Kanye
— Annie Stamell (@stamos) May 1, 2016
Cheerios look like a bunch of bleached buttholes.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) May 1, 2016
Welp, never going to eat a bowl of Cheerios without thinking about buttholes again.
what a time to be social media pic.twitter.com/IYL0jHlh4w
— Beth Alexandroff (@bethalexandroff) May 6, 2016
I suck at road trips my bones always hurt and I pee too often and my phone always dies
— farwz (@farwzaz) May 6, 2016
I am starting to feel pressured to release new music because everybody else is.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) May 6, 2016
Beyoncé, Drake, US?!?!? ARE WE NEXT?!?!