Gosh bless whoever invented weekends. Pretty sure it was either the Greeks or like old timey garment workers unions. One of those.
Big mood. ANYWAY the weekend is here and it’s time to celebrate! Grab a mimosa, and make sure to follow these funny women on Twitter for a guaranteed perfect weekend.
do I do my eyebrows
or do my eyebrows do me
— quinta b. (@quintabrunson) March 6, 2018
some of you youths are gonna be real disappointed when u discover that turning 30 just means you still have all the same weird interests but can’t turn your head all the way to the left anymore
— Rave Sashayed (@_sashayed) March 6, 2018
Amazing, Norman Rockwell invented Twitter pic.twitter.com/NZRenxlUMr
— Kate Preusser (@1nceagain2zelda) March 7, 2018
Random white guy: my wife is Asian so I know that in your culture what you mean is hi, hello, how are you today, a greeting
Him: …rice meditation Buddha dragons red paper lantern
— Wendy Xu (@wendyX) March 3, 2018
Like, do male writers get these kinds of responses? pic.twitter.com/SDjfJ6HEaS
— Maris Kreizman (@mariskreizman) March 7, 2018
“I would like to thank my wife, my kids, my side pieces, & the one woman I def assaulted.” #Oscar2018
— Kay Cannon (@KayKayCannon) March 5, 2018
[future history class]
Teacher: How did World War 3 start? Anyone? Yes, Khaleesi.
Girl: It started bec-
Teacher: No, I meant Khaleesi M. She had her hand up first.
Girl 2: It started because president Trump was hangry.
Teacher: Correct. [holsters gun]
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 3, 2018
Haters gonna hate, but they’re also gonna love, gonna experience loneliness sometimes, gonna be multi-faceted people who are gonna need some kindness from the rest of us.
— Selena Coppock (@SelenaCoppock) March 9, 2018
me showing up to rupaul’s drag race castings as an out & proud member of the trains community pic.twitter.com/zKLo6Ut2DV
— chrysanthemum tran (@chrystran) March 6, 2018
sometimes you gotta “ooooh noo, baby, what is you doing?!” yourself
— Ego Nwodim (@eggy_boom) March 4, 2018
hey it’s actually pronounced “gaslighting.” Soft “g.” Like “gif”
— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) October 5, 2017
It’s ok if they just keep talking forever and there are no more awards tonight pic.twitter.com/TrlBqF7Xqa
— Emily Yoshida (@emilyyoshida) March 5, 2018
you don’t think it’s weird that we exist?
— melissa broder (@melissabroder) March 5, 2018
Best picture pic.twitter.com/Q5kbeduzUL
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) March 5, 2018
Older siblings are the original Influencers. When I was little my brother said sausage pizza was gross and I didn’t eat it again for 20 years.
— Lauren Lapkus ? (@laurenlapkus) March 7, 2018
Respect to my printer, always claiming it’s busy when it’s not doing a damn thing
— Eileen Curtright (@eileencurtright) March 5, 2018
— Katie Tiedrich (@katietiedrich) March 6, 2018
Yesterday I stopped to pet a dog, and as the owner walked away I heard him say to her, “You see? Everybody loves you! And you don’t even love yourself!!!” and I’m going to be thinking about it for the next five years
— Liz Watson (@watsontots) March 5, 2018
do not fat shame an instagram corgi they will come for you pic.twitter.com/Q8kpjWoBE0
— julia reinstein (@juliareinstein) March 6, 2018
NEVER MAKE US CHOOSE BETWEEN ALLISON JANNEY AND LAURIE METCALF AGAIN
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) March 5, 2018