Wait a second. Is that clock right? Is it actually… Friday afternoon? This is not a drill y’all, the week is OVER.
Pour yourself a stiff drink and cuddle up with these perfect tweets from hilarious women.
Happy Women’s History Month! It’s in March because a woman thought of it in Jan, a man took credit for it in Feb, & the rest is history.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 1, 2018
How to beat your face:
Moisturize
Eyebrows
Primer
Eye makeup
Foundation
Concealer
We overthrow
Men at
Midnight
Set/bake
Contour
Blush
Highlight
Lips
Setting spray— ashley (@kimkarASHlian) February 25, 2018
Fuck Marry Kill is a game the @GOP plays with children.
— Alison Klemp (@alisonklemp) February 28, 2018
My Food Network show would just be me reading the box, throwing it away, and then pulling it back out of the trash two minutes later.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 2, 2018
BARISTA: what can I get you
ME: medium roast please
B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
M: *under breath* damn
— A girl has no name (@This_is_a_dm) March 1, 2018
I’ve been trying to go back to bed for the last 15 years.
— Jules (@SaltyCorpse) February 17, 2018
Idea: a buddy comedy where they don’t stop at a drug dealers house
— SydSteinberg (@thesteinberglar) February 26, 2018
Get you a guy who looks at you the way @antoni looks at someone slicing an avocado #QueerEye pic.twitter.com/CC23xQQkF9
— Martha Sorren (@marthasorren) February 25, 2018
Losing Bowie, Prince, and Carrie Fisher all in one year was bad, but I miss satire the most. pic.twitter.com/f2qkWQEnq0
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 26, 2018
We live in a game of mad libs pic.twitter.com/UgIe7VSPLP
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) February 28, 2018
I wish there were more TV shows with strong female leads clearly written by men.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 1, 2018
This book has been weeded from the library shelves and will never hurt anyone again. pic.twitter.com/cax0b2HwN5
— Mary McCoy (@MaryElMcCoy) February 28, 2018
I spent 6 full hours crafting a rage email I know why I’m alone
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) February 28, 2018
*SLAMS MY FISTS ON THE TABLE* GIVE ME THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST B-PLOT ABOUT THE TWO GUYS LOOKING AT A TURTLE pic.twitter.com/lPZ9ZjWZca
— Katie Tiedrich (@katietiedrich) February 28, 2018
SHE’S CHELSEA FUCKING PERETTI WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU https://t.co/0BTh8DamsP
— Cassie Grimaldi (@CassieGrimaldi) February 27, 2018
Guys: Sex just doesn’t feel as good with condoms
Me: I haven’t been capable of experiencing the emotion joy since going on hormonal birth control
— Katie Vallely (@Folked_Up) February 27, 2018
Is this a witch hunt? No. Am I a witch currently using witchcraft to actively hunt the President? Yes.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 27, 2018
