It’s the freakin weekend, baby we’re about to drink us some ruuuuum.
But first, let’s round up the funniest tweets of the week!
Hey girl, are you that time my 8th grade teacher called me “a huge waste of potential” because I can’t stop thinking about you
— Lauren Brown (@LaurenBrownMD) June 18, 2016
Never 4get the adults who casually destroyed us.
I have mastered snapchat. pic.twitter.com/HoFOLNgaGl
— c e l e s t e (@celesteballard) June 22, 2016
Pro tip: the best snaps are funny snaps that will also give you nightmares!
Jesus loved everybody, but he probably didn’t like everybody.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) June 21, 2016
He was still a human being, man.
Are you mad at me?
(This was faster than texting every single person I know)
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) June 20, 2016
Oh thiiiiis is what Twitter is for.
If you ever use FB messenger to talk to me when you have my number, you should be tried in a court of law
— Maritza Lugo (@PolaRoid_Rage) June 22, 2016
Your honor, we find the defendant guilty of being a terrible millennial.
What stage of depression is buying an assorted cheese & pepperoni party tray to eat by yourself
— Molly (@Molly_Kats) June 22, 2016
The Friday night stage?
I would text 50 people and all my enemies before posting on Facebook to see if anyone wanted to go to an event with me
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) June 21, 2016
Seeing ‘what’s everyone doing tonight’ is never not heartbreaking.
I’ve heard some men say “why do girls get pixie cuts??” And I’m like ” HAVE YOU SEEN A GOATEE?!”
— lady macgruff (@Jojo_4_shosho) June 20, 2016
Dear Sir, you are texting frequently with my friend. Please send a current selfie asap for my evaluation. All the best, Women.
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) June 22, 2016
In addition, a CV and public court record.
I unfollowed Beyonce on Instagram.
— ali waller (@imaliwaller) June 22, 2016
THIS ISN’T FUNNY THIS IS SCARY
It’s so hot in L.A. that my ex’s house that I just set on fire is on fire!
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) June 21, 2016
Wowee, it’s so hot it’s like Left Eye’s boyfriend’s bathtub over here!
I’m not good with people telling me what to do. That’s why I have never done the hokey pokey.
— Jess (@jessokfine) June 21, 2016
You do the hokey pokey and you go screw yourself.
Get you a girl who can do nothing. pic.twitter.com/nupwDbe9I9
— Lauren Brown (@LaurenBrownMD) June 22, 2016
This is me at age 13. Styling by me, hair by me, makeup by me, puberty by Satan pic.twitter.com/moEu1JLdNq
— Rachel Bloom (@Racheldoesstuff) June 20, 2016
Dying, dying, dying, dead.
an app that tells you which of your exes are still single
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) June 21, 2016
Wow this is honestly brilliant. Silicon Valley plz take a note.