Joyelle Nicole Johnson is truly one of the funniest stand-up comics in the game, and she’s opened for everyone from Dave Chapelle to Maria Bamford. But more importantly, she has some things to teach us about what ladies like, how to love yourself, babysitting when you’re still a baby, and the definition of Panger.
Wait a second. Is that clock right? Is it actually… Friday afternoon? This is not a drill y’all, the week is OVER.
Pour yourself a stiff drink and cuddle up with these perfect tweets from hilarious women.
Happy Women’s History Month! It’s in March because a woman thought of it in Jan, a man took credit for it in Feb, & the rest is history.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 1, 2018
How to beat your face:
— ashley (@kimkarASHlian) February 25, 2018
Fuck Marry Kill is a game the @GOP plays with children.
— Alison Klemp (@alisonklemp) February 28, 2018
My Food Network show would just be me reading the box, throwing it away, and then pulling it back out of the trash two minutes later.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 2, 2018
BARISTA: what can I get you
ME: medium roast please
B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato
M: *under breath* damn
— A girl has no name (@This_is_a_dm) March 1, 2018
I’ve been trying to go back to bed for the last 15 years.
— Jules (@SaltyCorpse) February 17, 2018
Idea: a buddy comedy where they don’t stop at a drug dealers house
— SydSteinberg (@thesteinberglar) February 26, 2018
— Martha Sorren (@marthasorren) February 25, 2018
Losing Bowie, Prince, and Carrie Fisher all in one year was bad, but I miss satire the most. pic.twitter.com/f2qkWQEnq0
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 26, 2018
We live in a game of mad libs pic.twitter.com/UgIe7VSPLP
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) February 28, 2018
I wish there were more TV shows with strong female leads clearly written by men.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 1, 2018
This book has been weeded from the library shelves and will never hurt anyone again. pic.twitter.com/cax0b2HwN5
— Mary McCoy (@MaryElMcCoy) February 28, 2018
I spent 6 full hours crafting a rage email I know why I’m alone
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) February 28, 2018
*SLAMS MY FISTS ON THE TABLE* GIVE ME THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST B-PLOT ABOUT THE TWO GUYS LOOKING AT A TURTLE pic.twitter.com/lPZ9ZjWZca
— Katie Tiedrich (@katietiedrich) February 28, 2018
SHE’S CHELSEA FUCKING PERETTI WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU https://t.co/0BTh8DamsP
— Cassie Grimaldi (@CassieGrimaldi) February 27, 2018
Guys: Sex just doesn’t feel as good with condoms
Me: I haven’t been capable of experiencing the emotion joy since going on hormonal birth control
— Katie Vallely (@Folked_Up) February 27, 2018
Is this a witch hunt? No. Am I a witch currently using witchcraft to actively hunt the President? Yes.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 27, 2018
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International Resources for Suicide Prevention : http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
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