Joyelle Nicole Johnson Is Full Of Rage

Joyelle Nicole Johnson is truly one of the funniest stand-up comics in the game, and she’s opened for everyone from Dave Chapelle to Maria Bamford. But more importantly, she has some things to teach us about what ladies like, how to love yourself, babysitting when you’re still a baby, and the definition of Panger.

This Week’s Very Funniest Tweets

Wait a second. Is that clock right? Is it actually… Friday afternoon? This is not a drill y’all, the week is OVER.

Pour yourself a stiff drink and cuddle up with these perfect tweets from hilarious women.

Happy Women’s History Month! It’s in March because a woman thought of it in Jan, a man took credit for it in Feb, & the rest is history.

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 1, 2018

How to beat your face:

Moisturize
Eyebrows
Primer
Eye makeup
Foundation
Concealer
We overthrow
Men at
Midnight
Set/bake
Contour
Blush
Highlight
Lips
Setting spray

— ashley (@kimkarASHlian) February 25, 2018

Fuck Marry Kill is a game the @GOP plays with children.

— Alison Klemp (@alisonklemp) February 28, 2018

My Food Network show would just be me reading the box, throwing it away, and then pulling it back out of the trash two minutes later.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 2, 2018

BARISTA: what can I get you

ME: medium roast please

B: ok, your gray roots are getting obvious and you have the silhouette of a potato

M: *under breath* damn

— A girl has no name (@This_is_a_dm) March 1, 2018

I’ve been trying to go back to bed for the last 15 years.

— Jules (@SaltyCorpse) February 17, 2018

Idea: a buddy comedy where they don’t stop at a drug dealers house

— SydSteinberg (@thesteinberglar) February 26, 2018

Get you a guy who looks at you the way @antoni looks at someone slicing an avocado #QueerEye pic.twitter.com/CC23xQQkF9

— Martha Sorren (@marthasorren) February 25, 2018

Losing Bowie, Prince, and Carrie Fisher all in one year was bad, but I miss satire the most. pic.twitter.com/f2qkWQEnq0

— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 26, 2018

We live in a game of mad libs pic.twitter.com/UgIe7VSPLP

— Gina (@ginadivittorio) February 28, 2018

I wish there were more TV shows with strong female leads clearly written by men.

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 1, 2018

This book has been weeded from the library shelves and will never hurt anyone again. pic.twitter.com/cax0b2HwN5

— Mary McCoy (@MaryElMcCoy) February 28, 2018

I spent 6 full hours crafting a rage email I know why I’m alone

— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) February 28, 2018

*SLAMS MY FISTS ON THE TABLE* GIVE ME THE BEAUTY AND THE BEAST B-PLOT ABOUT THE TWO GUYS LOOKING AT A TURTLE pic.twitter.com/lPZ9ZjWZca

— Katie Tiedrich (@katietiedrich) February 28, 2018

SHE’S CHELSEA FUCKING PERETTI WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU https://t.co/0BTh8DamsP

— Cassie Grimaldi (@CassieGrimaldi) February 27, 2018

Guys: Sex just doesn’t feel as good with condoms

Me: I haven’t been capable of experiencing the emotion joy since going on hormonal birth control

— Katie Vallely (@Folked_Up) February 27, 2018