If you need a break from the trouble and stress of the world, then we’ve got your back: enjoy these funny tweets from hilarious women.
If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
— denise (@Stellacopter) February 18, 2016
SHOW PITCH: Can’t even deal or no deal
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 18, 2016
Can never deal.
Dear Male Comedians of the Internet: Could you not? Thanks! Sincerely, All of the Women — Mel Gabor (@melgabored) February 18, 2016
PRAISE THIS TWEET.
Started thinking all my friends were getting Botox but then I realized most of them are just in their 20s hahahhahahahahahahahhaha ? — Marcy Jarreau (@MarcyLane) February 17, 2016
20-somethings never understand what they’ve got.
“Ok, I can get frozen yogurt just this ONE TIME.” -me every day — Allegra Ringo (@allegraringo) February 17, 2016
Oh this is very, very relatable.
If you had to guess how many people are eating this meal based on the amount of pasta I made, it would be 13 and you would be off by 12. — Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 17, 2016
Portion control is overrated.
Suicide is never an option unless you pour a carton of egg whites into your coffee thinking it is cream. — Bridgid Ryan (@bridgidry) February 17, 2016
Today is “Random Acts of Kindness Day” so I’m going to pick one stranger and let them be nice to me. — Robin McCauley (@RobinMcCauley) February 18, 2016
That’s how it works, right?
“measure your life in likes” – 2016 version of RENT
— Chelsea Nachman (@chelseanachman) February 17, 2016
I love when people have that twinkle in their eye that says hey! im an alcoholic
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) February 17, 2016
It’s a very specific twinkle.
Dude, if Taylor Swift did turn out to be a serial murderer I’d actually feel way better about her. — Ally Maynard (@missmayn) February 17, 2016
She has to be one, right?!
How about a guy who has even a GED in eating pussy? — Ally Maynard (@missmayn) February 17, 2016
there’s nothing that rich white people love more than Hamilton — Noël Wells (@RealTomHankz) February 17, 2016
My kids cut all their hair off with scissors so I’m making them listen to Phish as punishment — Kate Spencer (@katespencer) February 17, 2016
Good punishment, to be quite honest.
According to movies, parents get divorced when two children sit at the top of a staircase. — Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) February 17, 2016
That’s how divorces work, right?
Featured image via.