You know what time it is…
But quick, before you’re too Tempranillo tipsy to get jokes – read all these hilarious tweets by hella dope women.
Let’s be friends with benefits. The benefits? You get to be friends with me. ?
— Michelle Stripe (@michellestripe) June 14, 2017
My mom was told to give me a half up half down hairstyle. She didnt know what that meant so she did this.. pic.twitter.com/4WmaJxVqcl
— Hanna De Castro (@urchicahanna) June 11, 2017
BEACH BOYS: Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older?
ME: Let me stop you right there.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) June 10, 2017
HE MONCH BUTT – renaissance painting, 1602 pic.twitter.com/DGn0VGHmvU
— radmuscles (@PipRasmussen) June 15, 2017
You make me as happy as I’m capable of being, which is limited I grant you, but still.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) June 14, 2017
I hope @KamalaHarris interrupts any Republican Senator who tries to congratulate her at her inauguration.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) June 13, 2017
Yes. I didn’t know men could see my butthole during sex. It was a naive thought and I’ll never be the same. https://t.co/LMrR7GceBD
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) June 14, 2017
I guess you don’t draw vaginas on passed out people’s faces because it would just be badass to wake up with a tattoo of your origin story
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 15, 2017
Just asked Siri to play “greatest love” by Whitney & she played “Marry The Pussy” by R Kelly instead – even she got good pussy jokes. ✌️
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) June 16, 2017
When will my laptop understand that I NEVER MEAN TO FUCKING OPEN KEYNOTE
— Nina Concepción (@ninamconcepcion) June 16, 2017
Oh, wow. Little girl in full meltdown because when her mom packed movies for the trip, she only packed the little boy’s favorites.
— Seanan McGuire (@seananmcguire) June 13, 2017
Someone should tell them that black ppl are bike lanes pic.twitter.com/8b0b0AIzFA
— dr. dalia ☥ (@DALIAMALEK) June 15, 2017
ME AS A DRUG DEALER: here, try some vasodilators. they make your blood feel so big.
— rachelle mandik (@rachelle_mandik) June 15, 2017
I asked my cat for loyalty. I now refer to her as Comey pic.twitter.com/Tzok3sTNBQ
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) June 13, 2017
not one fucking thing pic.twitter.com/2orl4kG2Vf
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 15, 2017
I just think it’s a little unfair that movie showers aren’t a thing for female filmmakers who don’t have babies.
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) June 14, 2017
Getting great stuff done in the conference! pic.twitter.com/6rnLhsCGDX
— Fiona (@cogentanalysis) June 16, 2017