It’s Friday. We’re trying to GTFO of work so we can get our crying done in our own beds instead of in a bathroom stall (aka the weekend). So it’s lucky that the smarties behind Foot In Mouth Productions just gave us five perfect ways to sneak out of work early.
WHAT A WEEK! Take a break from the emotional turmoil of Beyoncé’s Lemonade and pregame for the weekend with 140 characters from the funniest ladies on the internet.
I met someone pic.twitter.com/KYIIl8lkDG
— stevie b (@sbiagioni) April 28, 2016
Remember when everyone named their kid Rocco? HAHAHAHA!
— Megan Gailey (@megangailey) April 28, 2016
We actively choose to forget this.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) April 28, 2016
L – O – L.
me, planning an expensive dinner party i know i will never actually have pic.twitter.com/xCIqWyqmTW
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) April 28, 2016
Dreaming about planning a dinner party>actually planning a dinner party.
my least favorite movie trope is “people in hospitals waking up and immediately ripping their IVs out” and i will fight it to my dying day
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 28, 2016
Seriously, why do they always do that?!
It’s impossible to be unhappy nestled inside of a Panera Bread
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) April 27, 2016
I can’t tell if I’m actually pretty without my glasses on or if I’m just so blind without them that I think I look pretty but don’t
— farwz (@farwzaz) April 27, 2016
Why question it, yanno?!
people who do not like condiments are not to be trusted.
— Jenny Yang (@jennyyangtv) April 27, 2016
As Beyoncé says, “tell ’em boy BYE.”
whenever i have trouble accessing my own anger i think about how fucking unconscionably cruel the tanners were to kimmy gibbler
— Hallie Cantor (@halliecantor) April 27, 2016
They were really mean to her, weren’t they?
bucky with the good hair pic.twitter.com/70zziao02E
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) April 27, 2016
WILL NEVER NOT LAUGH AT THESE.
It’s important to be your most authentic self and that’s why [rips off whole self to reveal i’m a tiny toad sitting on a box] dangit no wait
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) April 25, 2016
Tiny toad forever.
Can’t even imagine the amount of Beyoncé that will be played in every Soul Cycle class for the foreseeable future
— Leslie Grossman (@MissLeslieG) April 25, 2016
Tried to google “Cat urine remover.” Accidentally googled “Cat URN remover.” Cried.
— lauren caltagirone (@MrsRupertPupkin) April 28, 2016
‘If you packed adult diapers for your vacation, you chose the wrong vacation’ is a sentence I actually said to my best friend at lunch today
— bethtato (@bourgeoisalien) April 28, 2016
Wrong vacation or best vacation? It’s a fine line.
I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your party. I took an elevator and wasn’t sure how to exit and have been trapped here since Thursday.
— bethtato (@bourgeoisalien) April 28, 2016
They haven’t invented a microscope strong enough to see the paper-thin excuse I need to just give up and eat McDonald’s at any given time.
— Jen Statsky (@jenstatsky) April 28, 2016
Sounds about right.
My plan B is to get one of those Pomeranians who can support me with its Instagram career.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) April 28, 2016
Ideal life. That, and having Ina Garten cook every meal for you ever.
We must all aspire to be as memorable as the woman who sat in front of me on Amtrak & watched Chandler & Monica bloopers for the entire ride
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 28, 2016
Praise that woman forever.
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