It’s been a week of high highs and low lows and no honey, we aren’t just talking about the weird unseasonal weather…
But the one thing you can always count on, from the hottest beach to the coldest Chicago, is funny women. So let these hilarious tweets from talented ladies make you feel all warm and cozy.
MALE REINDEER LOSE THEIR ANTLERS IN WINTER AND FEMALES DON’T THEREFORE SANTA’S SLEIGH IS ACTUALLY PULLED BY A TEAM OF STRONG, POWERFUL, UNDERRATED WOMEN!!!!! YOU GO, GIRLS!! I SEE YOU!!!
— Cat Reynolds (@catreynoldsnyc) December 11, 2017
What do we want?
DRESSES WITH POCKETS!
How do we want them?
FILLED WITH SNACKS!
What kind of snacks?
PREFERABLY A REFRESHING MIX OF SALTY AND SWEET BUT WE’RE NOT TOO PICKY FOCUS ON THE POCKETS
— ?Mistle-no Marti? (@MartiSchodt) December 8, 2017
Love makes you say dumb stuff like “you take my breath away and yet give me life” and “Please, take the last cheese stick.”
Just sick shit.
— Dorky Romano (@SuperApple80) December 14, 2017
This white dude just explained my own name to me.
— Imani Gandy Canes (@AngryBlackLady) December 11, 2017
I accidentally switched to night mode now my phone smells like CK One
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 14, 2017
No, my lawyers ARENT Jewish, but they ARE pedophiles!!! And yes, they HAVE read Cat Person.
— Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) December 12, 2017
[shoving glitter glue and felt pens back into my bag, visibly upset] ok look all I’m saying is maybe you guys shouldn’t have called it a ‘craft brewery’ because people are gonna get the wrong idea and lemme tell you Karen this has been a big let down
— Gracie Hoos (@cottoncandaddy) December 13, 2017
all dudes wanna do is have sex with you 1 time and then like your IG posts forever
— priya (@priya_ebooks) December 15, 2017
A message to men pic.twitter.com/SVaUvZ91qk
— Allegra Ringo (@allegraringo) December 11, 2017
I know I’ve truly grown into a strong powerful woman because I can still literally do anything while crying
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) December 14, 2017
An HBO comedy about a female stand up comedian which is just her working really hard, doing her set, not trying to fuck groupies and then going home to answer e-mails with “are women funny?” in the subject line.
— Rae Sanni (@raesanni) December 8, 2017
We’re going to find out the starving polar bear had a swastika tattoo, aren’t we?
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) December 11, 2017
Don’t we all. pic.twitter.com/wXN2GDRPjf
— Nicola Jane Swinney (@NicolaJSwinney) December 9, 2017
PLEASE BE pic.twitter.com/yHKDEUgAGg
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) December 14, 2017
Please pray for my Facebook friend, Tiffany. She’s thinking about deleting her account and tired of all the drama.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) December 9, 2017
Sometimes I drive by a funeral home and think, how much business could that place really get? and that’s when I realize I’ve forgotten everyone dies again.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) December 10, 2017
Hey Hemingway I beat you by one word ya bitch pic.twitter.com/Gk9p8yvDOP
— Pretty Hate Machine (@hey_friend) December 10, 2017
Bitcoin is crack for libertarians.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) December 9, 2017
how can we make abortion palatable to Christians? What if we changed abortion’s name to Kayla?
— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) December 13, 2017
living in Hollywood i am constantly inspired…I watched a homeless man with one arm struggle to put a shirt on and suddenly it dawned on me: I should write a tv show about me and my friends!!
— Becca Scheuer (@becca_scheuer) December 9, 2017
me, looking back at my numerous breakdowns throughout the year: pic.twitter.com/rR10TC3x68
— elvira hancock (@PFElFFER) December 8, 2017
The free weight section of any gym is utter chaos and the clearest analogy of why men shouldn’t be ruling the world
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) December 10, 2017
Ah, nothing like watching a lovely snowfall with a warm cup of coffee and an article called “This is how nuclear war with North Korea would unfold”
— Laura Hankin (@LauraHankin) December 9, 2017