It has been a g-dang week. Honestly, we’re exhausted.
But at the very least, we have these hilarious tweets from talented women to bring us into the weekend. Praise!
Just thanked myself aloud for a beautiful lunch. I said “my pleasure it makes me happy to see you eat it up!” Will keep you posted on prog
— Sarah Silverman (@SarahKSilverman) March 13, 2017
You simply must be your own best friend!
forever mood pic.twitter.com/CUnpXq2sZh
— Franchesca Ramsey (@chescaleigh) March 16, 2017
Honestly wish we felt like this all the time, but alas we are not all Beyonce.
Me: I can’t believe anyone would hang out with me, I’m so obnoxious.
Me, later: I deserve everything.
— Katelyn Hempstead (@KatelynUrFriend) March 11, 2017
EVERYONE BOW TO ME I AM GARBAGE
got drunk on sake last night and woke up to this Google search i don’t remember making. i screamed ? ?: pic.twitter.com/AnMfOej4kv
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) March 16, 2017
Please call us next time you’re having sake night.
How to prepare for a blizzard
•hide your grandmother
•buy bread for bread fort
•cook 14 lb omelette
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) March 13, 2017
Be careful East Coast! Eat some heavy omelettes!
What is your shamefaced ‘failing adult’ dinner of choice, perhaps eaten standing in the kitchen, eyes blank?
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) March 17, 2017
This is assuming we even remembered to buy bread.
… and YOU get a pity ‘like’.
… and YOU…
— Chincha (@chincha33) March 16, 2017
She’s the Oprah of pity twitter!
It’d be nice to be in a profession where being solidly middle aged is still considered young, like Jude Law in the pope biz.
— Lauren Bans (@LaurenBans) March 13, 2017
42 is young for a senator too, maybe we should all be senators.
“White pride” sounds like a group of asshole male lions who die of starvation because they have no females to hunt for them.
— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) March 13, 2017
Holy hell, is this the most perfect tweet ever written?
Do I look like Google to you? Do I have an adorably cute fuckin’ colored illustration across my face that will teach you about history? DO I
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) March 13, 2017
DOES MARA WILSON REMIND YOU OF A SEARCH ENGINE? THEN DON’T ASK HER DUMB QUESTIONS!
Ryan went to some weird keg parties https://t.co/eRSzUs41fe
— Victoria Aveyard?? (@VictoriaAveyard) March 17, 2017
Yeah those white supremacist secret society mixers can get pretty wild.
i finally did it pic.twitter.com/tTHlEohzIn
— jules (@sltcoms) March 13, 2017
Sorry brb we’re crying at how perfect this is.