Summer’s over. School’s back. Everyone’s worried North Korea is going to frick our shit all up. But you know what’s still good and pure and wonderful? FUNNY WOMEN.
So enjoy these hilarious tweets from brilliant ladies, and let your troubles just melt away.
Seconds after meeting new person: Forgets name
Years after meeting new dog:”His name was Doug. A Beagle Mix. Fave toy:Ball. A very good boy”
— Taylor Cox (@bytaylorcox) September 14, 2017
Ok so when Selena Gomez’s friend gives her a kidney it’s “true friendship” but when I toss my kidney over Brendan Fraser’s gate it’s “ma’am”
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) September 14, 2017
The new iPhone is going to make your father tell you he’s proud of you
— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) September 13, 2017
Slide into my BMs.
— Amanda Sitko (@AmandaSitko) September 13, 2017
“exercise helps depression”
— linds (@linsagna) September 14, 2017
You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make my plants die
You burn my skin
Sometimes I worry
You’ll give me cancer
Please don’t take my s
— Amalia Levari ??? (@amalialevari) September 15, 2017
Twitter is a great way to find out you hate all the famous people you think you love
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 11, 2017
Betsy DeVos wants to roll back protections for sexual assault victims on campus, just in case her boss ever wants to visit a campus.
— Bette Midler (@BetteMidler) September 10, 2017
Rihanna said she either wears a shirt or she wears a bra, never both. That’s an idea I can get behind. That’s making America great, tbh.
— Khal Draghoe (@brownandbella) September 8, 2017
not saying I went down an internet rabbit hole but I googled Jewish boxers an hr ago and now I know why vanilla extract is expensive.
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) September 9, 2017
Do you ever read your diary from the 10th grade & think “lmao wow I’m somehow stupider now?” Bitch was pulling 3 SAT words per sentence damn
— megan mackay (@mmmegan) September 14, 2017
the new iphone costs $999, a dog costs as little as $50 to adopt. what do u want, 1 iPhone or nearly 20 dogs ??? All I’m sayin
— Taylor Nicole Dean (@taylorndean) September 14, 2017
sorry I punched your pumpkin in the face but it’s not even October yet you need to calm the fuck down
— Kim Monte ? (@KimmyMonte) September 11, 2017
but she also gun pic.twitter.com/75fy8g0vnf
— cestanichia (@Toransugaru) September 13, 2017
who do you think people will fully believe first: women or climate change
— Sarah Lerner (@SarahLerner) September 10, 2017
If you didn’t like that book, try this one — some good lessons in here about working together to solve problems. Happy to send a copy. pic.twitter.com/7dmVJ44mZu
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) September 14, 2017