Is it just us, or has it been 154,832 days since the 4th of July?
This week has DRAGGED honey, but the weekend is nigh and that means it’s time for some tweets!
I can’t believe the President of the United States met for over two hours with Donald Trump
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) July 7, 2017
Not everyone is as productive as me, but if you really focus you too can complete an entire screenplay in an hour. pic.twitter.com/43PTIePvuJ
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) July 6, 2017
There’s nothing wrong with taking nudes.
There’s nothing with sending nudes.
There is something wrong with men exploiting women.
— Mel Gabor (@melgabored) July 5, 2017
absolutely not pic.twitter.com/FFaLeZVaLH
— aub (@aubreybell) July 4, 2017
Question: going on my first Bumble date tonight. Do the guys usually bring the children +weapons from their pictures? Trying to plan ahead.
— Sari Beliak (@thecrassceiling) June 30, 2017
Wait I’m just now realizing nothing went wrong on the island until the dinosaurs started turning into males. Jurassic Park was woke AF. https://t.co/oIEfhdgdH5
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) July 7, 2017
I hurt my neck while sleeping. Like an athlete!!
— Debra DiGiovanni (@DebraDiGiovanni) July 3, 2017
This photo just fucked me, asked me to buy it a vegan burrito, & texted me later asking if I’d help it nail a sheet over its bedroom window pic.twitter.com/EIZ8BIotB0
— obviously goth (@helenadonahue) July 6, 2017
Sailors: “Brandy, ur a fine girl, what a good wife u would be, but my life, my love, my l–”
Brandy: “I’m at work. Do u want a beer or not.”
— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) July 5, 2017
Him: Hey wanna FaceTime?
Her: Yeah sure, lemme just find my headphones pic.twitter.com/WAdjIu9eXK
— 💕 (@Princessofwifi) July 7, 2017
Me on a first date:
Him: I just don’t really get twitter, ya know?
Me, clutching my phone to my chest: my friends and I are leaving
— Emma Kellum (@eckellum) July 5, 2017
— Klaudia Amenábar (@kaludiasays) July 7, 2017
carly rae jepsen’s charm is largely based on all her songs being about accidentally saying too much about a hot person to their face
— Molly Priddy (@mollypriddy) July 6, 2017
Suddenly I understand why he won’t have dinner with a woman who isn’t his wife. pic.twitter.com/Vk2BLDRadR
— shauna (@goldengateblond) July 7, 2017
— Fortune Feimster (@fortunefunny) July 7, 2017