Weekly Roundup Of The Funniest Dang Tweets

There should be a new word for how we’re feeling these days. Hopeful/angry/baffled = hangled? Anyway, when you’re ready for a break from all the craziness, these tweets are here for you. Take a lil laugh break, huh?

I will also not be paying for that fucking wall #FuckingWall

— your daddy (@Kappa_Kappa) January 25, 2017

And we as well do not intend to.

My 5yo sat outside the bathroom door as I was having a piss and whispered through the keyhole “is Ted Cruz Donald Trump’s son?”

— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) January 26, 2017

… we kinda wish?

My 6 yr old daughter/minecraft player:

“In real life, are we in creative mode or survival mode?”

Me: pic.twitter.com/emtKit8W4Z

— Erika Totten (@2LiveUnchained) January 27, 2017

Oh little buddy.

I’d be more inclined to let men legislate women’s bodies if I’d ever met a man who even remotely understood periods.

— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) January 26, 2017

‘The blood doesn’t come out of the same place as the pee?’ – every bro.

me + all my friends gathering around the bad news trough for another day of terrible bad news pic.twitter.com/d2yhE87IWP

— Anna Swartz (@Anna_Snackz) January 26, 2017

Yum yum yum everything is garbage!

For all the men out there who think women should speak quietly amongst themselves, please know we are and it’s called plotting.

— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) January 24, 2017

Lock up your nuts, because we’re marching straight over to burn down the patriarchy.

This country is great because most of the things I’m learning in therapy about abuse and trauma can now be applied to our government/leader.

— Lauren Brown (@LaurenBrownMD) January 27, 2017

How convenient!

a nazi should say “i don’t want to be punched” to each person they see. it’s their fault they don’t think to say this. not my responsibility

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) January 23, 2017

Yeah maybe both those American heroes didn’t know, ok?!?

Blessed to always be instantly understood and unreservedly supported by men!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/3Jonprp275

— Colette McIntyre (@calledcolette) January 23, 2017

Oh god we can’t stop laughing at this.

When I called to confirm this message gets to Feinstein, the guy said writing it in pepperoni would be tough, so he’ll try in black olives. pic.twitter.com/lNKHeqgwXx

— Katie Reed (@thatkatiereed) January 26, 2017

Do whatever it takes to get through to your reps and don’t stop doing it.

Weird how the guys I wouldn’t sleep with in high school don’t like my political opinion on Facebook.

— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) January 26, 2017

Who would have thought a bunch of dicks would grow up to be a bunch of dicks. Huh!

The country is ablaze right now and some people still find time to be awful on an interpersonal level and I think it’s incredibly brave

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) January 23, 2017

Shoutout to all the rude baristas and ghosting Tinder dates for staying on-brand.

keep it up mang, I got all night <a href="https://t doses of synthroid.co/Jzi1TA2H6p”>pic.twitter.com/Jzi1TA2H6p

— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) January 22, 2017

Go ahead and call the mortician because we are dead.

I have not put my phone down once today. My hand, it aches. My eyes, dry. My pettiness…my pettiness has somehow maintained its strength

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 21, 2017

May the strength of our pettiness see us all through these dark times.

in case you didn’t go, the protest is actually four years long so come on down

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 22, 2017

We’ve got snacks!

Women Are Ruling The Sundance Comedies

Sundance always has its fair share of moody dramas where white dudes discover something super special and important about themselves. And yeah those movies are cool. But we’re here for the comedies, tbh. So we couldn’t be more excited to see all the funny movies on offer this year that were created by and/or star dope women. We’re talking Alison Brie as a nun, Aubrey Plaza as an Instagram stalker, Gillian Robespierre directing a movie about dysfunctional sisters, and Anne Hathaway puppet-mastering a kaiju. Bonkers.

Here are a few of the woman-fronted, directed, and produced comedies that we’re most stoked to see.

Colossal

Is it a comedy? Is it science-fiction? Is it some kind of weirdo indie coming-of-age drama? Who knows, but this weirdo movie stars Anne Hathaway as a 30-something loser who’s somehow connected to a big Godzilla monster that’s destroying Seoul. It seems fun as hell.

I Don’t Feel At Home In This World Anymore

Again with the mixed-up genres. This bad boy is some combination of revenge thriller and black comedy, and it stars the indie darling Melanie Lynskey as a depressed woman who uses a burglary as an excuse to go absolutely ham. The idea of going vigilante to punish assholes is… pretty appealing tbh.

Landline

Ok now this one is some serious funny woman magic. The Obvious Child crew is reuniting for this new film, which stars Jenny Slate and Abby Quinn as sisters and miscreants tearing up NYC in the distant year 1995. It’s directed by Gillian Robespierre and looks thoughtful and hysterical and like c’mon, it’s the Obvious Child team, there’s no way this isn’t going to be amazing.

The Little Hours

We got two words for you: horny nuns. Ok here’s a bunch more words – Kate Micucci, Alison Brie, Aubrey Plaza, and Molly Shannon star as a bunch of 14th century nuns who lose their minds over the hot new farmboy at the nunnery. It’s as if someone has been reading our historical fan-fiction or something.

L.A. Times

This relationship dramedy from first time writer/director Michelle Morgan might tip a little more serious than silly, but from all reports it’s got some of the zingiest writing around. It may be a little ~too~ relatable if you’re currently single in a big city, but at least you can laugh about it. There’s no trailer yet, but we can already tell it’s perfect for a girls movie night.

Band Aid

Zoe Lister-Jones is the writer/producer/star of this bleak comedy about a couple who decides to turn all their arguments into songs. The premise alone is funny enough to get us to see it, but Lister-Jones also said that her goal on the film was to “foster an environment that was collaborative and empowering for women” which is pretty much our entire life purpose. Sold!

Lemon

This tale of a man whose life starts to fall apart after he’s left by his girlfriend was directed by Janicza Bravo, whose punchy short films have been making people laugh and cringe for a while now. It stars Michael Cera and Brett Gelman, but if we’re being honest we’re most excited to see Judy Greer slay the game.

Ingrid Goes West

Aubrey Plaza is the best in the biz at playing weird loners. And in this movie, she takes her loner self on a roadtrip out to California to meet her idol, an Instagram celeb played by Elizabeth Olsen. But is Ingrid a harmless weirdo, or a legit psycho? Gonna have to watch it to find out!

The Ladies Of Late Night You Need To Know

Late night talk shows have been a boys club since, well, forever. Pretty much everyone who interviews celebs on tv is a white dude named James. But there are some amazing women trying to change that, and we wanted to shine a spotlight on these trailblazers who are hosting late-night style shows. Most of them are young up-and-comers, but they’re already wisecracking and slaying at a mid-career level. Can’t wait to see ’em all hosting their own network shows!

Gilli Nissim

Writer and comedian Gilli Nissim hosts the wildly popular, sometimes surreal, always thrilling talk show We’re Gross at the UCB Theatre in Los Angeles. We’re Gross calls itself ‘an interactive, feel-good celebration of all that is pathetic’, and it’s chock full of cathartic weirdness. It’s pretty impossible to describe, but if you get a chance to see it live definitely jump to it. The guests are amazing and the action is irresistible. We’re all a little gross, right? It’s up the third Thursday of every month at 9:30.

Mo Welch

Mo Welch hosts The Mo Show out of UCB too, but it’s a whole different beast from We’re Gross. Mo brings in some of Los Angeles’ best and brightest to do standup, improv, sketch, character bits, music, and whatever they feel like performing. In between, the show features animation and comedy from Mo herself, and her dark and subtle sense of humor isn’t like anything else you’ll see in LA. Plus the show has a pedigree – it’s been going strong since 2009. Catch it Saturdays at 10:30 once a month.

Emily Candini

Late Nightmare is the newest show on our list, but Emily Candini’s all-woman writing staff might as well be seasoned pros. The show is at The Pack Theatre, a comedy school and theater known for it’s off-beat whackadoo sense of humor, and the show is definitely off the wall in the best possible way. There’s no video for Late Nightmare yet since it’s still a baby, so it looks like you’ll just have to go and experience it for yourself!

And of course we have to end this article with a shoutout to the original bad bitch of late night, Sam Bee. Thank you Queen Bee for leading the way and showing us the light. Here’s to 12 more years of Full Frontal! And if you’re not in a city where you can catch one of these cool independent late night show, keep your ear to the ground for cool female comedians who host their own shows! Any day you’re supporting funny women is a good damn day.