Hey is it just us or is this the end of days? Things are feeling all… apocalyptical.
All we know is that we made it through the week and that deserves a reward. And boy howdy are these tweets a treat! Read on to start your weekend off right.
My dog just licked all the tortilla chip crumbles off my shirt. Now THAT’S a real friend.
— Jackie Johnson (@Jackie_Michele) August 9, 2017
I just tripped over the low bar set for men and fell down a well pic.twitter.com/S7H3ON3aH7
— Sam Montgomery (@sammontgomery) August 4, 2017
White supremacists are proud that they can digest milk. Yea bro, drinking milk is SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL than being able to sit in the sun.
— Churlish Gambino (@faithchoyce) August 9, 2017
ugh I just want to sleep & sleep & sleep but not in a sad way more in a fun way like how I enjoy the batting cages or a massage
— meat with succulents (@AlexisGZall) August 8, 2017
I drank cold brew coffee without eating and now I have to legally register as a rocket ship
— KatieTwoHands (@KatieTwoHands) August 5, 2017
person: [says something witty]
me: [also says something witty]
person: [says another witty thing]
me: how long do we have to do this for
— your daddy (@Kappa_Kappa) August 9, 2017
2 moods pic.twitter.com/XicarC3VxO
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) August 7, 2017
???????
He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it ANY more obvious?
He was a punk
She’s a valet
She- shits- in- the- cars
???????— Patti Harrison (@Party_Harderson) August 11, 2017
you, enjoying your summer:
me, spiraling: pic.twitter.com/7OnzAXO9dU
— Carina Hsieh (@carinahsieh) August 6, 2017
My friend said I should take my dating apps more seriously. ? pic.twitter.com/3IRDhCQxKo
— Michaela Coel (@MichaelaCoel) August 9, 2017
So many beautiful layers here yet my fave accessory is the bedazzled to-go cup pic.twitter.com/kLksJMyvkz
— Marcella Arguello (@marcellacomedy) August 8, 2017
Fuck Disney movies and their unrealistic expectations of animals helping me complete my chores.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) August 8, 2017
she got the fur ensemble and the shades on…she’s gone ain’t no turning back https://t.co/f80ZPGQWOh
— diet stud (@dankbonnet) August 8, 2017
It turns out when the 4th formaggi on your pizza is bleu cheese the other 3 just fade into the background like the Blowfish behind Hootie
— Emily Heller (@MrEmilyHeller) August 7, 2017
ugh I just want to sleep & sleep & sleep but not in a sad way more in a fun way like how I enjoy the batting cages or a massage
— meat with succulents (@AlexisGZall) August 8, 2017
i overslept what did i miss just tell me betty white is still ok so i can go back to sleep
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 8, 2017
when you’ve got a secret admirer 😉 pic.twitter.com/DACcMRow7W
— Erin ?Gloria? Ryan (@morninggloria) August 8, 2017
white teacher:
“mike wazowski?”
“here!”
“james von jugenbabaurgerstain?”
“here!”
“sorry if i butcher this name but m-mo-muhammad?”
— سيلين (@celxsal) August 10, 2017
I’m on a dinner date what do I say he’s so cute and I’m so nervous pic.twitter.com/09FpFJL0iv
— ? (@Princessofwifi) August 6, 2017
