We’re back this week with the funniest f*cking tweets and we can barely control the little tears streaming out of the corner of our eyes. If you aren’t following these queens and liking their tweets, you need to get on that ASAP!
My feelings about Harry Potter can best be described as witchful thinking. You’re welcome.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) January 22, 2016
Sex with Hugh Hefner must be like watching someone try to puncture a Capri Sun pouch with an earthworm. — Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) January 22, 2016
I used to think it was cute when kids say they want to be president but now I lean really close and whisper “Stay away from my family.”
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) January 22, 2016
75% of traffic in LA is from people on their way to do a podcast. — Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) January 22, 2016
I always root for Mark Ruffalo even if Mark Ruffalo isn’t in the movie
— Desiree Echevarria (@IfYouSeeDesiree) January 4, 2015
I would be mortified if my kid said fudge instead of fuck. — Stephanie Allynne (@StephAllynne) January 22, 2016
Talk to the hand. Because this is The Addams Family and we take care of each other and Thing is very sad.
— Rhea Butcher (@RheaButcher) January 22, 2016
When your friend offers to set you up with a grown man who looks like Jonathan Lipnicki. pic.twitter.com/TfVi7FmegG — TaylorAileenHarrison (@goldieharrison) January 22, 2016
I’m starting to think I wasn’t cast in Grease Live :/ — Megan Amram (@meganamram) January 22, 2016
When Trump is president he’s gonna outlaw baby carrots out of penis envy.
— LBJohnson (@ladybirdj) January 21, 2016
New phrase:”This drink tastes like high school.” Meaning: it’s not what you wanted but you drink it anyway because your options are limited. — Beth Stelling (@BethStelling) January 22, 2016
Featured image via.
