It’s been a week, y’all. Thank goddess for all the funny women who help us get through. Let’s make each other laugh, huh?
congress gets things done like i do my laundry: don’t do jack shit for six months, start to stink, pull a shameful all nighter
— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) June 15, 2016
It’s like we always say, literally anyone can end up in Congress.
Being heartbroken is a great way to make your friends really proud of you for completing basic tasks
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) June 12, 2016
I got out of bed today plz validate me now.
my constant state but current state mostly is lin-manuel miranda weeping in carole king’s arms
— #BrittanySpanos (@ohheybrittany) June 13, 2016
How anyone made it through the Tony’s without sobbing like Lin-Manuel is a true mystery.
Ask the Gays sequels:
-Quiz the Blacks
-Canvass the Jews
-Cross-examine the Muslims
-Interrogate the Mexicans
-Query the Women Over 40
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 15, 2016
This is very funny and also makes us very nervous because what if he does?
Can you still be punk if you’re mad at someone for getting your bath mat dirty?
— Alison Stevenson (@JustAboutGlad) June 12, 2016
Punk is a state of mind. (But also, no).
what are you doing tom no pls no think this through pls tom tom can you hear me blink once for yes tom blink twice if you need help tom pls
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) June 15, 2016
Where were you when you found out about Swiddles Beachgate?
brain *whispering*: hey
me: stop i’m trying to sleep
brain: you ever think maybe girls with straight hair are happier than you
— Julia Fay (@JuliaFayZim) June 10, 2016
This but also with girls with thick eyebrows.
It’s cute flowers tuck themselves in at night
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) June 12, 2016
CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS 🌸🌺🌼🌻💐😍
Chlamydia is way too sexy a name for what’s only kind of a sexy thing.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) June 15, 2016
Of the venereal diseases, which is your fave? We like scabies.
Yoda advising Anakin about the pull of the dark side except it’s me warning you about the temptation to be a fuck boy.
— Liz (@ibikeinheels) June 15, 2016
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to ghosting.
me: body positivity is so important, you are all beautiful, never call yourself ugly
also me to myself: except you
— farwz (@farwzaz) June 15, 2016
‘You go girl, you’re a queen, such a babe, don’t need a man, so gorg’ (ugh I’m garbage) – us
oops I forgot to take my vitamin every day for the rest of my life except maybe like 8 of the days
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) June 13, 2016
~bolts over to medicine cabinet in a panic~
takin a break to eat a fresh coconut!
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) June 13, 2016
Wow is this what it’s like to be famous??? Another reason to be more like Peretti.
The phrase “inside baseball” is the only thing I know about baseball.
— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) June 15, 2016
Also when you get to first base you have to kiss.
tinder, but it’s just people offering their earnest opinion on whether or not you should get bangs
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) June 15, 2016
Let’s be real it would be all left swipes.
Who’s already blogging about how Margaery is hilldawg and the High Sparrow is bern
— Drew (@MostlyPregnant) June 13, 2016
The High Sparrow is also Larry David, in case anyone was wondering.