If reality tv star and self-proclaimed businessman Donald Trump told a bedtime story, what would it sound like? We posed that very question to the one and only Petey Gibson, who knocked it out of the damn park. It’s short, sweet, and 100% bizarre. Think of it as our way of saying ‘BOY BYE’.
Can you believe we made it through ALL the debates AND it’s almost Halloween? Damn, 2016 is finally turning around y’all.
Anyway enjoy this week’s funniest, smartest, sassiest tweets. We know we did!
Trump keeps bringing surprise guests to his debates like he’s some sort of political Taylor Swift. #debatenight
— Heidi (@redheadheidi) October 19, 2016
Yeah except Taylor Swift has actual friends.
Im having a going away party4my 50s2morrow nite& will Bthinking of all U sass factories 🎂😎💃🏿👅🐾💝😏 Goodnite sweet decade Parting is such sweet
— Carrie Fisher (@carrieffisher) October 20, 2016
Carrie Fisher is our favorite person on Twitter. Can you imagine if she and Cher hung out? Paradise.
— Beth Stelling (@BethStelling) October 19, 2016
Omg this is who the showrunner on Another Period is, now it makes sense why it’s the greatest show on TV.
Anything can be a wine glass if you believe in urself
— Ashlyn Anstee (@ashlynanstee) October 19, 2016
— spooky addie |-/ (@blurrytylerjosh) October 15, 2016
Never related so hard to a tweet in our whole entire lives.
I like to piss off old white guys by saying “Ring Of Fire” by Johnny Cash was about anal sex.
— 🔥 (@Sassafrantz) October 19, 2016
Our relationships with old dudes who try to talk to us in the auto parts store will never be the same.
— (((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 17, 2016
Yaas yaas a thousand times YAAS!
BOSS: I want more from you
BOSS: I need to know you care about your work
ME: [slumps over]
ME: [falls to floor]
— JokerKaren (@batkaren) October 18, 2016
Ok fine you get the promotion.
men assuming they’re wanted, a compilation pic.twitter.com/wevw2I50tn
— ️ (@blanchetting) October 16, 2016
Gotta make this our bio on all socia media STAT
Sing me not your siren song, foul temptress. pic.twitter.com/SNfuHRds3t
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) October 18, 2016
THIS IS WORKPLACE HARASSMENT.
ppl like “what’s with Hilary’s pantsuit, she looks like a interplanetary leader from the future”
DRESS FOR THE JOB YOU WANT
— Casey Johnston (@caseyjohnston) October 20, 2016
She looked like if Steve Martin was a hot alien grandma. It made us believe in love again.
Just realized how rude it is that Laura Croft raids tombs
— Mary Sasson (@marysasson) October 20, 2016
Truly so rude. Those gems are for the mummies, Lara!
when youre hard at work cutting blades of grass for the crew but beenie man comes on pic.twitter.com/Fk1pjkDFxI
— TrickorTracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) October 18, 2016
Been there, man. Been… there.
i can’t wait for the internet to be gone forever
— Noël Wells (@RealTomHankz) October 21, 2016
That’ll be nice!