Dang, Even The Vending Machines Are Body Shaming

Hey, when does ‘mom bod’ become a thing? Because it’s starting to feel like men are always going to be allowed to look a little schlubby and have a tummy, and women are always going to have to be in perfect shape. And that’s some bulllllllshiiiiiiit. So if this nightmare scenario from genius filmmaker Stephanie Stender comes true, well, we’re gonna be very ready to whip out our axes.

When Men Tell You To Make Them A Sandwich 😑

No hurricane can match the savage power of Lilly Singh DESTROYING a troll. This video is as satisfying as that video where a million matches get lit all at once. It’s a tutorial for all the sexist moron assholes out there who seem to be incapable of making their own damn sandwich. We’ll have what Superwoman is having, honestly.

When Everything’s A Shooting

This sketch is so funny it makes us want to hide under our blankets and sob for the rest of the afternoon. Which is probably what good satire should do? Writer Kerry McGuire and director David Zwick imagined how we’re all going to live a couple years from now when mass shootings are just another fact of life, like rain or traffic or the sheer mind-numbing terror of not knowing if your loved ones are going to come home safe at the end of the day. Y’know, the usual.

The Funniest Tweets of the Week

Some weeks are lazy rivers, and some weeks are category 5 rapids. This one was the second one. Big ups to all the funny Twitterers who kept us thinkin’ and laughin’.

We nag because we care, Uncle Sam.

 

President Barbie sounds like a sensitive badass, plz start a write-in campaign for President Barbie.

 

Why do we do this to the ones we love?!?

 

This is truly the funniest body wash joke ever written.

 

Gross. Gross and accurate.

 

“We need to have a talk about your employment at the Cineplex”

 

Brb, inviting our ex-boyfriends to Applebees.

 

Super rich kids with nothing but loose ends/super rich kids with nothing but freelance jobs.

 

We can never un-see this. But then, why would we want to?

 

Sure, that plan checks out.

 

How dare you show your love with gifts, you monsters?!?!?

 

Yeah.

 

When the fundamentalists tell you to cover up, you KNOW WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.