Halloween is expensive, y’all. From the Lyft rides to the overpriced drinks to the 4am fries, this holiday sucks the money out of your wallet like a vampire for dead presidents. But luckily, we have our Buffy. Alex Lynn Ward has your makeup hack on lock, with this Rita Repulsa tutorial for broke chicks. It looks just like the professional version! Kind of.
If we have to see another damn couples costume, we’re gonna puke up all our peanut butter pumpkins. Halloween is about more than happy couples getting tipsy together, guys!
If you’re like us and are flying solo on Halloween, you need to see this ode to getting back at your ex from the ladies of Sister Wives. Get that polter-guy outta your life, witches!
Or should we say the spookiest tweets of the whole creeeeaaaak????
No, no one should say that because it’s a very bad joke. But cut us some slack, we’re excited that Halloween is almost here!! While we wait on pins and needles (ouch!) let’s all share these magnificent tweets.
One cool thing about being a woman is that whenever I am doing any task, people assume I am struggling with that task
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) October 21, 2016
Not sure how men think we survive the world?
moment of silence for the thousands of college women sitting in dorm rooms right now being forced to listen to some dude play “wonderwall”
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) October 26, 2016
Raise a glass to our fallen comrades. May your bi-curious phase come quickly.
My body is ready for winter pic.twitter.com/LSJ7XIsWce
— Amy, but dead (@amy_wood) October 27, 2016
Can we get this picture as a tattoo?
More like Georgia O’Queef! Up top. pic.twitter.com/KfYZYiz6qB
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) October 25, 2016
No one high five her for this.
My supervillian origin story began when he didn’t text back.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) October 24, 2016
Cannot WAIT to see this Marvel adaptation on Netflix.
— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) October 27, 2016
May Dolly bless and keep you in this, the holiday season.
I find “no DMs” in a bio to be awfully presumptuous.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) October 25, 2016
‘Scuse you, maybe we don’t want to slide into your business!
There is not a single accurate response for this search term. pic.twitter.com/XEtAcFnObq
— Meg Favreau (@megfavreau) October 25, 2016
As a child I was afraid of spiders, snakes and scary movies, now kids get to fear cool things like ISIS, gluten and their local congressman.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 26, 2016
Honestly kids are shockingly tough these days, shoutout to all the brave babies.
I love how Hillary is trying to abort this baby with her mind and is having trouble smiling cuz she’s jonesing to start a war! pic.twitter.com/ALn3yzE9Ci
— Jen Nasty Kirkwoman (@JenKirkman) October 27, 2016
CLASSIC CROOKED HILLARY.
Every white guy in Brooklyn looks like a fucking rock critic& every white woman looks like someone he’d fawningly refer to as a “songstress”
— Megan Beth Koester (@bornferal) October 25, 2016
Plz travel channel give Megan Koester a show.
My preferred birth control: pic.twitter.com/c3ayEfizVC
— Beth Alexandroff (@bethalexandroff) October 26, 2016
America’s two favorite pastimes in one!
when you wake up and see drunk texts to your ex pic.twitter.com/1rjIVuQOoL
— 🔥 (@Sassafrantz) October 23, 2016
TERRIFYING HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEA: Chatty Uber driver
— Ali Spagnola (@alispagnola) October 26, 2016
AAAAAAH TOO SPOOKY NO THANKS
the best part in every movie is when the main girl realizes she’s a witch and walks down the school hallway in slow motion
— Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) October 25, 2016
Welp, looks like my dreams of becoming a teenage Vine star have been shot to shit. Thanks a lot, Obama.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 27, 2016
The ghost of Vine is gonna be the best costume of this Halloween season, mark our words.
It’s a spooky time of year, y’all! Halloween brings out the ghosts, ghouls, and other things that start with g. But there’s nothing spooky-ookier than the prospect of making a lifelong commitment to someone you don’t respect.
Writer Jill Cepela and director Ally Zonsius have a created a monstrously funny sketch about how easily drinking games can ruin relationships. It’s too funny, and way too real.
First, pumpkin spice was cool. Then it was basic. Then it was everywhere. But this year, pumpkin spice has become something more than just a flavor. It’s become a lifestyle. It’s become… titties.
From writer and weirdo Katie Molinaro, we present this ode to pumpkin boobs and the folks that love them. It’s catchy and silly as hell. Also, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month, so go get your gourds checked!
Ladies, we’re not in college anymore. Halloween doesn’t need to be a booze-cruisy skank fest where we flash our trick-or-treats at the whole bar. We’ve outgrown that! Halloween just means a pleasant night with friends, celebrating Fall and friendship. Right?
HAHAHHHAHAHA just kidding, of course we’re gonna get shwasted and mack on some dude dressed like one of the Avengers. It’s Halloween, witches! And this Saturday Night Live sketch is a dead-on portrayal of how this spooky holiday always goes down. Pizza barf, here we come.