The Very Best Tweets Of The Week

Another week, another group of funny women absolutely slaying the game in 140 characters. Truly, we are blessed to be living in the age of the internet.

Read these funny tweets, laugh so loud you freak out everyone in your office, and don’t forget to share with your friends.

 

 

Let’s all be freaks everywhere! Let your freak bra fly!

 

#relatable

 

YOWZA could someone please send this tweet to the president, hopefully his head explodes.

 

Smart!

 

World, may we present to you the weirdest ever tweet.

 

You could have had oncological radiation but nooooo you needed avocado!

 

Hahaha wife me up!!!

 

 

We nominate Amber for president of everything.

 

Next year’s Oscars please please make this happen!!!

 

Love is real, love is pure.

 

She’s the hero we need. She’s… The Bigot Smasher.

 

Your baby seems trill as heck.

The Funniest Tweets Of The Year (So Far)

2017 has already been tumultuous as all hell, y’all. But if there’s anything to celebrate, it’s funny women doing what they do best. And plus, IT’S FRIDAY! So are we still gonna party?

 

Of all the burns on 2016, this is maybe the best one.

 

Film it please.

 

Kimberly is very funny but in this case, the original picture is the best joke of all.

 

God Mara Wilson is such a gift to the world.

 

Who knew there were so many horrible flavors of old white man?!

 

Honestly every store should hand out free Xanax samples for the next four years.

 

Sometimes they let us read a book that isn’t the Bible!!!

 

Who’s this narrator and is she free this weekend?

 

😳👨

 

Look if you made it through the year without a drinking problem, hats off to ya bb.

 

Ya. 😻

 

And how will we find boyfriends without Tindering on the toilet?!?!

 

Awwwwwwww (ok nvm it’s rad to be single honestly).

 

Oh wow still?!?!

 

‘Ok now take these tupperwares of food back with you to your filthy apartment’.

 

Yeah let’s all go on record with this.

 

GOD PLEASE GIVE US THIS WE’VE EARNED IT

The Funniest Dang Tweets Of The Week

Whooooooo’s ready for the weekend???

Oh thank friggin god we’re almost there. But while we wait for sweet sweet Saturday, let these funny tweets wash you away on a tide of giggles.

 

No need to repent for perfection.

LICK MY P – oh sorry yeah this one is more relatable.

 

Oh shit. OH SHIT.

 

Hahahah yeah our social anxiety is fun and trendy now, right guys? Guys?

 

This is a devastatingly accurate synopsis of the debate, MSNBC please hire her.

 

Jogging you wear a cute sweatband.

 

Yet another way internet trolls are like horrible movie monsters.

 

Honestly our hearts ache for little Teddy all the dang time.

 

You 👏 Don’t👏 Need👏 15👏 Different👏 Stories 👏

 

This is a very upsetting tweet that is also very correct. Now bring us a horse so we can touch it’s soft mane.

 

Office bagels = us not going Bobbitt on everyone.

 

HOT DAMN if all literary criticism was this salty we’d all be professors.

 

We’re actually sad for Heben come to think of this.

 

But it was on saaaaaaaale 😒

 

How did it turn out though Bridgid we need to know!?!?!

 

New bedtime prayer.

 

Ugh can you even imagine? Zach Braff is basic af.

 

How dare you! But also yes correct. But also please hold me.

 

Let’s be frank, making older white men mad is the greatest sport of all.

 

YES YES FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!!!

The Funniest Damn Tweets Of The Week

Ok so the world is 90% garbage. But sometimes to keep going you just gotta take a deep breath, laugh a loud laugh, and watch a corgi shaking its weird butt.

May these tweets make it all seem a little more tolerable, bbs.

 


On the one hand it’s mean to celebrate the end of a relationship, on the other hand THIS TWEET THO.

 


Pumpkin Spice Latte season is also Eat An Entire Medium Pizza Alone season.

 


— 🔥 (@Sassafrantz) September 21, 2016

THAT FIRE EMOJI IS FOR REAL.

 


We’d buy the shit out of this on Etsy.

 


Turns out modern life is just one big cringe.

 


Congratulations are in order to Ms Pavlas for winning the internet.

 


Wow @kmay with the helpful advice.

 


What store is this, we need this item badly.

 

 


This has us crying. Cryyyiiiiing.

 


Omg someone please get this poor child 7 more hot dogs stat.

 


‘Oh don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here DYING IN THIS MALL’

 


No but US newspapers did enjoy talking about how calm the traffic was in Nazi Germany, so that’s not great.

 


Lol forever at dudes who think women are ‘catty’, honestly.

 


Ah yes, how fine it would be to be in Merrye Oldye Englandeeeee.

 


Stop. Read this joke again. It’s perfect.

 


Hell yeah little baby, you werk for the weekend!!!

Weekly Roundup of the Funniest Freakin Tweets

Don’t mind us, we’re just sitting here pondering why Friday afternoons go like 649 times slower than every other day…

While you wait for the weekend to fiiiinally kick off, enjoy these fresh n tasty tweets from funny women!

 

This is one gritty reboot we would absolutely see.

 

HEART. BROKEN.

 

Where oh where is the anxious Frenchie who needs us???

 

The tale of DMVs greatest revenge against rich assholes.

 

An unexamined life… sounds really restful right about now actually.

 

Scuse you, it’s also for my very real and totally existing boyfriend.

 

Seriously this whole series of Jesus/Judas tweets is pure 🔥🔥🔥

 

It’s like Christmas for adults!!

 

Wow that’s actually kind of beautiful, Connie plz write a self-help book.

 

This joke is DEEPLY upsetting but also 100% accurate.

 

Oh damn, gotta show this tweet to all our ex-boyfriends.

 

THE CONCERT IS NEVER OVER IN OUR HEARTS OK??? #flawless

 

Don’t be fooled – this is the perfect interview power play.

 

Woah wait we just realized that cats are trying to non-stop murder everything they like.

 

But no, by all means, more hot takes on movies from 2005 please.

 

 

Oh God nooooooo!!!

 

The best thing we can all do for feminism is to start calling him ‘reformed stripper Channing Tatum’ all the time.

Weekly Roundup Of The World’s Funniest Tweets

IT’S LABOR DAY WEEKEND BABYYYY!!

 

Our hearts are with people working on Monday. Let these funny tweets ease the pain of a regular weekend, and/or bring joy to your vacay.

 

Thank you so so much for writing our new Tinder bio.

 

What did they even talk about, sports? Snorkeling???

 

People with two moms turn out better, and that’s a fact.

 

Look it was a good concept, but sometimes you need to give up on a dream.

 

Brian’s Mom seems cool.

 

Hahahhahah oh wait this one is just true.

 

Important point!

 

You dinguses invented the ‘friend zone’, about time you learn to actually be a friend.

 

Better than friggin Thor 4 or whatever.

 

Srsly did we all just find the internet’s only good old white man?

 

Him: ‘And now for this 15 point slide illustrated by a stock photo of a dog’

Us: *chugging poison*

 

THAT LEMON IS A BETTER PERSON THAN EVERY RAPIST.

 

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Shelby.

 

That’s just a smart use of time tho.

 

Please please someone in Hollywood make this movie, we are begging over here.

 

At least after you die no one will pressure you to go to grad school.

 

This bird is our intern now.

 

That’s that pre-regret face right there.

 

See, this is the kind of humor we can get behind.

 

There are entire religions based on worse advice. Good job Suzan.