The Funniest Tweets Of The Whole Damn Week

Thank! Goop! It’s! Fridaaaayyyyy!

 

 

 

Begone, sinner! Say 10 Hail JoJo’s and 10 Our Chad’s.

 

If you’re not following We Rate Lizards, like, what is your deal even?

 

We’ve come a long way, baby! (from our shitty parking spots)

 

Oh thaaats how you get people to vote!

 

The things we’ve done to impress a doctor, hoo boy.


I mean how else will he know what a good boy he is while we’re gone???

 

With pure, unbridled lust.

 

‘I mean we’re still getting cake, soooooo’

 

Oops we found the best Arthur meme.

 

Y’all just got ROASTED!

 

Unsure if satire, or an actual overheard conversation.

 

Too soon! (but also too funny 😔)

 

Happy 4 U both.

 

This kid is… wait for it… EXTREME!

At this point, every woman who writes publicly on the internet needs a safe room and secure server.

 

POWER TO THE PUSSY (GENERATION)

The Funniest Freakin Tweets of The Week

HEADING INTO THE WEEKEND LIKE…

But before we get there, enjoy the very freshest tweets of the week!

 

 

‘Stella Got Her Groove Back’ but for a woman who dumped herself, get on that Hollywood

 

Somebody get her a syringe of kale pulp STAT.

 

We need, in reverse order: duck, popcorn, women doing sports

 

The Mad Prez is a pretty tight rap name, honestly.

 

Oh thiiiiiis is what Snapchat is for

 

Ragnarok, guns out.

 

Savage. Savage and accurate.

 

Finally got woke 10 minutes before we had to go to bed yeesh.

 

Hmm makes u think.

 

COME BACK AND BRING US THAT SHIIIIIIIRT

 

What happened here how did this end we need to know?!?!

 

Time for that post-lunch emotional breakdown!

 

Medium espresso is better than medium sex, let’s get real here.

 

Can’t wait for it to be turned to into a book called ‘The Woman Who Never Cried and Was Always Chill’

 

image via

Weekly Roundup Of The Best Tweets

It’s been a week, y’all. Thank goddess for all the funny women who help us get through. Let’s make each other laugh, huh?

It’s like we always say, literally anyone can end up in Congress.

I got out of bed today plz validate me now.

 

How anyone made it through the Tony’s without sobbing like Lin-Manuel is a true mystery.

This is very funny and also makes us very nervous because what if he does?

Punk is a state of mind. (But also, no).

Where were you when you found out about Swiddles Beachgate?

This but also with girls with thick eyebrows.

CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS 🌸🌺🌼🌻💐😍

Of the venereal diseases, which is your fave? We like scabies.

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to ghosting.

‘You go girl, you’re a queen, such a babe, don’t need a man, so gorg’ (ugh I’m garbage) – us

~bolts over to medicine cabinet in a panic~

Wow is this what it’s like to be famous??? Another reason to be more like Peretti.

Also when you get to first base you have to kiss.

Let’s be real it would be all left swipes.


The High Sparrow is also Larry David, in case anyone was wondering.

Weekly Roundup Of The Funniest F*cking Tweets

Felicity Huffman's What the Flicka-Michelle Obama

Happy Friday KWEENS. What better way than to embrace the weekend than with your weekly dose of the funniest f*cking tweets? Leggo!

*Blush-y face emoji*

THIS IS THE GREATEST THING WE HAVE EVER SEEN.

Again, REPEAT: This is the greatest thing we have ever seen.

Amen.

Does every time we eat a salad count?

YAAAS!

That was Beyoncé’s first draft, obviously.

Accurate to most of us.

YEP. And also wondering, “Who takes these candid, flattering pictures of you as if you don’t know, but somehow post to your own instagram?!”

Linguine > lingerie. Always.

Ahhhh, the age-old issue of sexually avoiding anyone who looks like a relative.

RT this ALL DAY.

It’s fine – we’re fine, really. It’s fine.

Seriously. 

This would be a dream.

Too real.

Cheese good. Me love cheese. Cheese forever.

Preach, girl.

Featured image via.