Introducing: Face Spanx!

Ladies! Your sagging unsightly body is bad enough, but have you thought of the way your squishy face affects other people? Well thank goodness for the Spanx company, because they have a brand new product that just might change your life.

The 10 Minute Workout!!

What if we told you that in just 10 minutes a day, you could shed 70% of your body mass and also express your deep deep sadness? Well now you can, with Leah Spigelman’s patented 10-Minute Workout!

Women Slayed SNL This Season

Was this the best season of Saturday Night Live ever? But like… was it though??? The writing has been topical and hilarious, the production values are better than most actual movies, but above all the women in the cast have been blowing us the frick away with every single episode.

We’re all still reeling over the news that Vanessa Bayer and Sasheer Zamata are leaving the cast. But now’s the perfect time to celebrate all that they brought to the show. Thank you, queens!

Abuela’s Inauguration Would Be So Good

By now pretty much everyone agrees that tomorrow’s inauguration is gonna be a joke. But not the funny kind. What IS funny is the amazing comedian Jenny Lorenzo’s Abuela impression. This grandma has a sound plan for America, a strong commitment to domestic security and affordable healthcare, and she’s a dead shot with a chancleta. One thing’s for sure, her inauguration would be a serious party. Props to We Are Mitú for showing us a president we can believe in.

The Week’s Funniest Tweets (New Years Edish)

We made it! 2016 is basically over!

With just 24 hours left of this insane year, can we suggest letting these tweets carry you away on a gentle tidal wave of laughter. Mmmmm, comedy feels good, huh?

Well, at bare minimum at least 2016 definitively answered, “What would it be like to be left behind during The Rapture?”

— beth can’t with this (@bourgeoisalien) November 30, 2016

Trying to celebrate New Years while quietly knowing what 2016 did to you and those you love… pic.twitter.com/8DbMW2aADi

— Grace Helbig (@gracehelbig) December 30, 2016

We have nothing to fear except paying the wrong person on Venmo

— Connieshin (@thatconnieshin) December 24, 2016

WHY DOES THE TINIEST SHIT GET ME EMOTIONAL LIKE someone could say “it’s the last friday of 2016!” and i’ll be like
well. ur fucking right. pic.twitter.com/OKvXBftRY6

— jite (@YOURERAClST) December 30, 2016

Burn calories by throwing the nutritional label straight into a fire.

— Raspberry Jam (@Jenny4ashley) December 28, 2016

why does everyone who’s describing beer sound like they want to fuck it

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 28, 2016

Please…my son. He’s very sick pic.twitter.com/U009PoP6hh

— mary (@mweeedman) December 29, 2016

Me: Siri, when will I find true love?

Siri: You will find true love when the world ends lol

Me: Oooo any day now! I better brush my hair.

— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) December 29, 2016

Carrie Fisher went out the way most women would want to: after telling the world she fucked Harrison Ford in his prime.

— Alison in Wonderland (@mitzy247) December 27, 2016

wen u r haunted by ur past pic.twitter.com/FPV23nkP1K

— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) December 29, 2016

Me: Siri, when will I find true love?

Siri: You will find true love when the world ends lol

Me: Oooo any day now! I better brush my hair.

— Jedi Cheesy Grits (@JediGigi) December 29, 2016

Guess what. 2016 = 2+0+1+6= 9
9/9 = 1.
1 Direction broke up in 2016.
The eerie similarities don’t end there…

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 29, 2016

Cher gets it pic.twitter.com/9Gf6bIzQy0

— Heben Nigatu (@heavenrants) December 27, 2016

You’re ready to leave a party, your partner isn’t.

Probably what it feels like to be very old and want to die and God’s like “not yet.”

— Darla (@ddsmidt) December 30, 2016

My New Year’s resolution is to have more ‘me’ time by getting drunk in the bathtub once a week.

— Valerie (@TheSchWinslow) December 29, 2016

A Creepy Christmas Lunch

Just like a Lifetime Christmas special, this amazing short from Beth Hoyt has it all. Family, drama, mystery, violence, terror, sexual tension, sandwiches, cars, lunch, sunshine, horror. It’s a true roller-coaster ride.

Damn, and now we’re hungry for subs.