Lotsa highs and lows this week, lotsa wrong people winning things and right people saying great things. How do we wrap it all up? Uh, with a tweet storm, duh! Enjoy, and stay warm out there.
sad I couldn’t find a Super Bowl party that let me read my poetry during half time
— Connieshin (@thatconnieshin) February 6, 2017
This is a travesty. There is no sports without Connie Shin’s poetry.
visual approximation of the West Wing right now pic.twitter.com/XlIlcPcSDN
— Ashley Esqueda 🤖 (@AshleyEsqueda) February 9, 2017
“WHERE ARE THE LIGHT SWITCHES?!?!?!” – your elected representatives.
I don’t like anything that has white men and confetti.
— Fiona Landers (@fionasings4u) February 6, 2017
Pretty upsetting always.
Math teacher: What’s 5 x 5?
Girl: [raises hand]
T: Kimmy what have I told you about girls and math? Yes, Tom?
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 7, 2017
Cool cool can’t wait for charter schools to fix everything cool.
My therapist says I have problems trusting people. I agree, my problem is I keep trusting them.
— Teresa Lee (@leresatee) February 7, 2017
Daaaaaamn this just saved us like 16 hours of therapy.
Don’t pay attention 2 the Ivanka Nordstroms stuff! It’s just a distraction from real issues! Like for example am I pretty/will u date me!
— Ali Segel (@OnlineAlison) February 10, 2017
Everything is a distraction from everything else!!!!!
Every tweet shit talking your Lyft driver for attempting a little small talk reminds me just how brave you are.
— Brandie⚡️Posey (@Brandazzle) February 9, 2017
A true American hero always shames someone making minimum wage for trying to be pleasant.
Me when fighting with a boy v me when having a disagreement with a gal pal pic.twitter.com/QSwwpELS0T
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) February 7, 2017
We are all Kardashians to our loved ones.
me @ my husband’s grave: so even though i’m still not 100% sure you LIKED me liked me
— keely flaherty (@flahertykeely) February 6, 2017
‘Srsly what did he even like about me’ – us to the gravediggers.
Me, 752 weeks deep in my crush’s ig trying not to click nothing pic.twitter.com/xcq9Umou62
— Lil Daddy (@FireinFreetown) February 7, 2017
It’s Mission: Impossible up in this app.
I feel at one with the universe pic.twitter.com/Q3l0iMpV9X
— Hannah Thompson (@H_L_Thompson) February 10, 2017
The universe is, like, so relatable.
ME: i think i’d want a relationship
SOME RAGGEDY BOY: hey ther–
ME: Not You™
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) February 6, 2017
Please get this patent out asap.
i saw that disgusting mr. clean commercial every day we move further from god’s light
— vampire workday (@imbobswaget) February 6, 2017
NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING A CARTO
why do people say “snowflake” in reference to weakness, you get a buncha snowflakes to land together and they will total your car
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) February 6, 2017
Me every day trying 2 b chill pic.twitter.com/M2w8PhS9hJ
— Maggie Widdoes (@mwiddoes) February 7, 2017
What’s up hi hello I am a chill girl who is not afraid or angry ever hahahaha
if there’s a silver lining to Betsy DeVos it’s that completely unqualified women can now buy the same jobs as completely unqualified men.
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) February 9, 2017
The Falcons won the popular vote
— Jorja Hudson (@jorjasmic) February 6, 2017
TOO SOON JORJA
I am intensely uncomfortable with the branding of this sharpie pic.twitter.com/Et4Zy42bU7
— Kendra W ✨ (@kendrawcandraw) February 7, 2017
Lemme just wrap my fist around this and make some protest signs.
Just popped some Gas-X before a date like a divorced dad
— Snowflake Cuckfuckr (@BabsGray) February 6, 2017
Romance is in the air!
If the alt-right really wanted to silence women, they’d have become liberal male comics who mean well
— Riley Silverman (@ryesilverman) February 3, 2017
HOLY HELL THIS IS FIRE alright everyone go home we’re done here.