Thank! Goop! It’s! Fridaaaayyyyy!
*sheepishly raises hand*
I’ve never seen The Bachelor or The Bachelorette…
*gets thrown off Twitter before fini-
— erin mallory long (@erinmallorylong) August 2, 2016
Begone, sinner! Say 10 Hail JoJo’s and 10 Our Chad’s.
im fucking sobbing? its so small? 9/10 pic.twitter.com/02VdEZyO8g
— We Rate Lizards (@WeRateLizards) August 5, 2016
If you’re not following We Rate Lizards, like, what is your deal even?
I spend tons of money on staying thin yet complain when I have to walk slightly farther to lunch, so yes, women really CAN have it all!
— Gwen (@msgwenl) August 5, 2016
We’ve come a long way, baby! (from our shitty parking spots)
We droppin’ lures at the voting booths right?
— Natasha Rothwell (@natasharothwell) August 2, 2016
Oh thaaats how you get people to vote!
My gynecologist just told me I was “easy” and I said “tell that to my therapist.”
JUST KIDDING I WANTED TO IMPRESS HER SHE IS MY HERO
— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) August 3, 2016
The things we’ve done to impress a doctor, hoo boy.
“Let he who hasn’t face timed with a cat before throw the first stone.” pic.twitter.com/YghKPSr2Zq
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) August 3, 2016
I mean how else will he know what a good boy he is while we’re gone???
find a guy who will look at you the way bill clinton looks at a balloon
— Chelsea Frank (@UmFrankly) July 29, 2016
With pure, unbridled lust.
When your name’s not Jonathan but your single mom is doing her best pic.twitter.com/3iVCFPyhlT
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) August 3, 2016
‘I mean we’re still getting cake, soooooo’
“what? what is it?”
“you gotta…catch em…all.” *dies*
“i promise.” pic.twitter.com/LgTKrHv8jU
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 5, 2016
Oops we found the best Arthur meme.
COMEDY JOURNALISM 101
1) He wuz a professional blank, now iz clown?!
2) Turning trauma into hahhahohos
3) She is a her!!! How does she wow!!
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 30, 2016
Y’all just got ROASTED!
Today on “As the Whole Foods Turns”, Karl runs into Lev, who tells him what’s new, which is that he’s having the most successful year ever.
— Erwin Globsin (@gibblertron) August 5, 2016
Unsure if satire, or an actual overheard conversation.
I miss Harambe’s clever quips.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) August 5, 2016
Too soon! (but also too funny 😔)
a guy asked me if i liked him & my response was “idk actually i think i might hate you” so be on the look out for wedding invites next week
— Ali Garfinkel (@aligarchy) August 4, 2016
Happy 4 U both.
“COS I’D ALREAAADY KNOOOOOOOOOW!” pic.twitter.com/PMMz64yGsq
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) August 5, 2016
This kid is… wait for it… EXTREME!
Can you provide adequate cyber security and access to a safe room? https://t.co/3tZ3E4DKt1
— Feisty VonNicety (@dagnificent) August 4, 2016
At this point, every woman who writes publicly on the internet needs a safe room and secure server.
yes thank u clint eastwood WE ARE THE PUSSY GENERATION pic.twitter.com/a4Mm5sA2ms
— Sara Schaefer (@saraschaefer1) August 3, 2016
POWER TO THE PUSSY (GENERATION)