Ok it’s officially holiday season. Almost time for turkeys and family and presents and – oh god we’re already stressed.
Good thing we have the funniest women in the world to keep us entertained and stress-free! Bundle up and enjoy these hilarious tweets.
Wendy Williams fainting while dressed as the Statue of Liberty is the perfect metaphor for 2017.
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) October 31, 2017
man: i enjoy attaching fake testicles to my big dumb truck
society: cool
woman: i enjoy pumpkin spice & pop music
society: kill yourself
— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) October 28, 2017
After I die, the 11 minutes when @realDonaldTrump didn’t exist will be my San Junipero
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) November 3, 2017
Bask, bitch!
Elegance.
Make these hoes wait. https://t.co/dDflM0q88S— Genie Lauren (@MoreAndAgain) October 27, 2017
When should I tell my kids that the happy skeletons they love are actually a human body with the flesh stripped away?
— Beth Newell (@bethnew) October 31, 2017
{concert}
lead singer: ok, lemme introduce the band. on drums we have the incredible Tom..
me: (from the back) NICE TO FINALLY MEET U, TOM— Kim Thanks (@KimmyMonte) November 2, 2017
Where is her baby daddy? Wow men are trash https://t.co/FCLUmtELDy
— Helen Strangé ? (@KLCHII) October 31, 2017
typos are tiny sentence abortions.
— ?Imani Gandy? (@AngryBlackLady) November 1, 2017
Trump used to be a fucking *Democrat* but my agent’s not sure I can make the leap from multicam to one-hour dramas.
— Daley Haggar (@d_haggar) October 29, 2017
Here are some texts from a theater lesbian about the game pic.twitter.com/muZodhPI6B
— Alison Agosti (@AlisonAgosti) October 30, 2017
Men’s ages defined:
1-29: “CHILD”
30-40: “YOUNG MAN”
40-60: “I KNOW HIM, HE’S A GOOD MAN”
Over 60: “FROM A DIFFERENT TIME WHEN MEN WERE MEN”— Rachel Klein (@racheleklein) November 1, 2017
sometimes i’m like, “ehhh i’m not sure im good enough to deserve love” but then i look at some of you and it’s like ohhhhhh wow
— darcie wilder (@333333333433333) October 30, 2017
late capitalism sure is fun pic.twitter.com/ysbDG59GeZ
— Mary Ellen Murray (@maryellenmurr) October 23, 2017
Being queer is not the same as being a pedophile. I don’t even like dating women under 30.
— Riley Silverman (@rileyjsilverman) October 30, 2017
“So, is there a Gal Fieri?”-woman flirting with Guy Fieri
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) October 29, 2017
