WHAT A WEEK! It’s been like a dang roller coaster in America, and not one of the kiddie flying elephant ones.
But we’ve made it to the weekend and things are looking up and as always the best way to celebrate is with some fresh and funny tweets!
I can’t believe I have to have all of these feelings and then die
— Ariana Lenarsky (@aardvarsk) March 15, 2017
Life is terrible and also there’s so little of it.
anytime someone mentions papa roach all i think is “cut my jeans into pieces, these are my only jorts”
— vampire workday (@imbobswaget) March 24, 2017
This made us spit our La Croix all over our desks and now the WhoHaha office is a mess.
lmao BITCH AS IF I DIDNT KNOW!!!! pic.twitter.com/q78yyz1ILD
— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) March 24, 2017
As if we don’t have a countdown timer running on our phones AS IF.
My student accused me of bringing dollar store snacks to class and now I get why pop quizzes exist.
— Julia Prescott (@juliaprescott) March 23, 2017
This is why we rly need to pay our teachers more, America.
Me: The kids are at nana’s tonight
Him: I know what that means!
Me: Oh yeah!
*instead of buying the mild taco kit I buy the medium taco kit
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 24, 2017
Marriage sounds dank, honestly.
While drinking coffee, I thought, I really love alcohol. It didn’t take away from my love of coffee. It was… nice. Like polygamy I bet.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) March 19, 2017
Ohhhhh now we get Sister Wives!
We are staying in a very Christian air bnb. pic.twitter.com/eWBHx8Oc7u
— Eliza Skinner (@elizaskinner) March 19, 2017
We would do anything to be in on this trip.
GOP: We’ve got such a better healthcare solution for Americans!
Us: What is it
GOP: You wouldn’t know it, it goes to a different school
— Desiree Echevarria (@IfYouSeeDesiree) March 24, 2017
‘And also it lives in Canada, wait oh shi-‘
“If you could bend space/time continuum would you rath-”
“SEND BABY BIDEN TO SUCKERPUNCH BABY RYAN”
“That’s not one of th-”
“DID I STUTTER” pic.twitter.com/0uFa3lmJ2n
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) March 24, 2017
And then send Baby Biden back here to make out with us up at Lover’s Lane.
I’m 100% taking this “11 Cocktails You’ve Never Tried” article as an insult.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) March 19, 2017
An insult and a challenge 🍸🍹💪
Just a bunch of dudes sitting around trying to figure out how to give a woman an orgasm. pic.twitter.com/suPXcIy024
— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) March 23, 2017
Spoiler alert: they didn’t figure it out.
Whenever TV detectives crouch & pick up soil with their hands & say “He was definitely here”, I want them to follow it with “He loves dirt.”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 17, 2017
This makes every detective show 200% more fun.